All Good Things
by Manamanah49
Summary: After she and Castle are shot by Caleb Brown in their loft, Beckett is forced to go undercover in Spain while Castle and her loved ones believe her dead. She will still do anything to protect her family, even if they don't know about it.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hello all. Just a quick note to let you know what to expect. This is based off of rumors as to what might have happened if Castle had been renewed for another season. There was one possibility that Beckett would have had to fake her death for an undercover assignment, and that's where this story starts. It will be a bit angsty, especially at the beginning, but I love Caskett and this is a fix-it so rest assured there will be a happy ending. Updates should be twice a week until its done. And of course, I don't own anything, just enjoy playing with the characters. Without further ado then, here is the first chapter of All Good Things. Thanks for reading!  
**

* * *

The first sensation Richard Castle feels as he claws his way back to consciousness is pain. There's pain in his chest. Caleb Brown shot him, he remembers suddenly. And he shot Kate. The thought dances at the front of his mind. What's happened to his wife?

He wants to wake up. He's _trying_ to wake up. But he also doesn't want to open his eyes. There's a pool of dread in his stomach that is telling him that when he does he'll wish he hadn't. Something's wrong. He knows it, and he has a terrible guess as to what it is.

"Dad? Can you hear me?" he hears Alexis ask softly, trying to rouse him. She sounds anxious, and that gives him enough determination to force himself awake. He will always do anything for his little girl.

The sight of her worried face doesn't soothe his own anxiety though. Normally he would try to calm her down first, but he has to know. "Kate?" he asks, but his voice is raspy and it comes out as a croak. He swallows and tries again. "Where's Kate? Is she okay?"

Alexis tries to shush him. "Easy, dad. Just rest. Everything will be fine." She pauses for a moment, then gives him a smile. It's sincere, but there is something else she's masking behind it. "It's so good to have you back with me," she says. "You've been out for 5 days. How are you feeling?"

He notices she avoided his question. "I'm okay, Alexis," he tries to reassure her, "but I need to know. How's Kate?"

She tries to hold a happy expression for a moment longer, but it drops quickly, and Rick can already see the answer to his question in her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Daddy," she says, her voice wavering with emotion, but she rushes on to get it all out. "She didn't make it. She died while she was still in surgery. They couldn't revive her. There was just too much blood loss."

Rick is stunned. He knew, somehow, when he woke up. But he'd hoped…

Alexis sniffs and wipes her tears away, and he can't hold it in any longer. He turns away from his daughter with tears starting to stream down his face, as well. He doesn't notice the pain in his chest anymore. The pain he feels now is so very different, and so much deeper.

* * *

4 days since he woke up in the hospital. He's already gotten stronger physically. Alexis has barely left his side, and his mother has been around plenty, as well, but he told them to sleep in this morning. Now, he has just finished his walk around the hospital floor. He's not as out of breath as he had been when he started this miserable physical therapy. The doctors are saying he can go home soon.

Little do they know – home is the last place he wants to go. He doesn't want to be anywhere near that place. Not where he lost her. His body is already healing, but his grief has only intensified over the past few days, and he knows it won't subside any time soon.

He is wallowing in that grief when he sees his latest visitor come in. "Mr. Castle, it's so good to see you moving around so well," Deputy Chief Victoria Gates says as she sits down, facing him.

"Hello, sir," Castle replied, a little weakly. He had just been trying to get comfortable in bed and the pain from his stitches pulling caught his breath. After a slight hesitation he mustered himself up enough to continue. "What brings you here to the land of the barely living?" he jokes, then tries to force a smile. It drops quickly however. It was just too much work.

"First," she replies pointedly, "I wanted to see how you are doing." Her expression softens. He's only seen it do that a few times. He must look pretty bad. Well, he felt pretty bad. "How are you feeling?" she asks.

He repressed the urge to sigh heavily. As tired and frustrated as he was becoming with everyone asking he, knew he had to be polite. Especially to Gates. Especially for Kate.

"I'm getting better," he said, trying to be somewhat positive. "At least that's what they tell me," again trying for humor.

"Good to hear," she tells him, giving him a small smile in return. But he knew she wasn't convinced. She paused for a few moments, and Rick had to admit his curiosity was peaked. Why had she come to see him? Was it about Kate's funeral arrangements? They wouldn't decide any of that without him, would they?

"Mr. Castle," she starts again, "Rick, I am so sorry about Kate. She was a good cop. But she was an even better person. And you two, you were amazing together. I count myself fortunate to have had the opportunity to come to know both of you."

"Thank you, sir," Castle says quietly.

"You can call me Vicki, you know," she tells him, "or at least Gates."

That wasn't going to happen, he thinks. Too strange. Outwardly, he just smiles softly and nods.

"Rick," she begins, then hesitates again. She seems to steel herself then continues, her voice lower and more controlled. "Rick, I need to tell you. I came here to discuss funeral arrangements with you, but when I spoke to the staff here on my way in…" She trails off for only a moment. "There was a mix-up with some of the paperwork here at the hospital. I am so, so sorry, but Kate, she was cremated."

Rick felt his heart plummet. She'd told him once, if anything had happened to her, that she wanted to be buried next to her mother. He'd shut down that conversation as quickly as he could manage, not wanting to think on that possibility.

But now the situation was very real, and all he wanted to do was honor her wishes. How could he do that now?

"I'm so sorry." Gates voice startled him out of his thoughts. "We still will take care of all the arrangements for you and want to assist you with anything you need."

Castle nodded, too distraught to reply any other way. He felt tears in his eyes, but they didn't fall yet.

Gates gently reached over, taking his hand. He watched as she laid his wife's wedding band in his palm and closed his fingers over the small piece of his heart.

"I'll be in touch," she whispered, then got up and silently left the room.

He shattered the moment she was gone, clutching tightly to the cold metal ring in his hand, his tears flowing freely. Kate was gone, and he hadn't even been able to say good-bye.

* * *

716 days since that fateful day in their kitchen. 716 days since the love of his life was taken from him. 711 days of Rick taking one breath at a time, forcing himself to live, even if he didn't want to. If only for his family. And for her. Always her.

565 days since he sold the loft. He never went back. He couldn't face the memory of what happened there. It's sad, really. So many happy times, but all that he sees when he thinks of his former home is those last moments, as they lay on the floor together, desperately trying to hold on to life, and to each other. Thankfully, between the movers, Alexis, and Hayley, he hadn't had to face the reality of that room. He went straight to the Hamptons after his release, and there he's stayed.

272 days since he walked Alexis down the aisle. He'd managed to come out of his fog long enough to ensure Chris was good for her (if not good enough, but would anyone ever be for his Alexis?), that he could give her away and know that the man who married her cherished her as much as he did. He tried to be happy that day, of course he did. And on some level, he was, because Alexis was stunning and sparkling. And he was her dad. But he couldn't be as happy as he wanted to be, as his daughter deserved him to be. Because his own love wasn't there, and she should have been.

He knows he fooled most of those there, but not Alexis, never Alexis. He stayed through the father-daughter dance, and he twirled around the floor and managed, just for a moment, to forget about anything but his little girl. But his emotions overpowered him soon after it was over, and he took his leave soon after. He knows that disappointed Alexis, even if she would never say anything. He hopes she forgives him for it.

After the wedding, he immediately went back to the Hamptons again, and he has stayed there ever since. He doesn't leave. He doesn't need to really. He has groceries delivered. He goes for his prescribed walks down the beach and along some of the quiet roads. He not sure how many days it's been since he drove his car. He doesn't care. He just wants her.

132 days since he legally changed his name back to Richard Rogers. He was still Richard Castle to his fans, but that would remain as only a pen name and nothing more. That life was over.

It's been 30 days since 'Nikki Heat – All Good Things' was released. He had to finish their story. For her. For Kate. He gave Jameson Rook and Nikki Heat the happy ending that Richard Castle and Katherine Beckett would never get. It's been well received by his fans, and he supposes that's something. Because Nikki was Kate, and she was so dear to so many hearts, and people got to know the extraordinary detective through his stories. She deserved that, deserved more than that, but it was what he could give her. So despite the heartache writing the book had brought, he was glad he'd finished it.

Paula had some of his fan mail delivered to him the other day. She sent the ones that seemed personal, genuine. He'd avoided it at first, but this morning, the view is gorgeous, and it reminds him of her. He takes the stack out on the deck and sits down to open a few.

The first few he went through were the usual, though perhaps with a few personal touches thrown in. But it was basically all the same. Thank you, you're the greatest, we love you…blah, blah, blah. Maybe he shouldn't have done this today.

But he keeps going, opening up the next one. And this one, this one is different. It begins normally but something sets him on the edge of his seat. And as he reads, an idea forms in his mind. The wording, the tone, the intent.

He tries to stop his mind from jumping around, to think rationally. He finishes the letter, then reads it again. And again. And for the first time in 711 days he feels a spark of hope. But he can't afford to hope. He can't turn his back on it either. The fourth time he reads it aloud.

 _Dear Mr. Castle,_

 _Thank you so much for this final story of Nikki Heat. Giving Heat and Rook their happy ending is everything I have hoped for and wanted._

 _Please know that your books, all of them, have played such an important role in my life. They got me through the worst times, both when my mother died, and when my husband was taken from me much too soon. So thank you. Thank you for your way with words, for your kindness and for the love that you express through the pages of your writings. Your characters and their love have brought so much joy and light to my life._

 _Even though the story of Heat and Rook has come to its conclusion, please keep writing. Whatever adventure comes next, remember that you truly do make a difference. I wish you all the happiness in the world._

 _~Always~_

He's frozen for only a moment after he finishes reading the last word, then he's scrambling to find the envelope. When he does, he turns it over in his hands. No name and no return address. Not surprising. The postmark says France. Paris maybe?

It doesn't matter, he thinks. Not at all. He'll find her. Because it is her. He knows it. With every fiber of his being, he knows it.

Kate Beckett is alive!


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favorited, and followed. I was surprised at how much everyone had to say about the first chapter. There were also some really good suggestions, and I will try to work some of them in. Hope you enjoy this next chapter!**

* * *

"Ms. Beckett? Can you hear me? Ms. Beckett?"

Kate stirred, but regretted it almost immediately. Pain shot through her abdomen. _Another scar_ , she thought absently. She fights her way through the fog in her brain, trying to remember exactly what happened, and her eyes flutter open when she does. Caleb Brown. He shot her…and Rick. Where is her husband?

The light in the room is harsh, and she recoils from it in discomfort. But it's not long before she can at least focus on the face in front of her, the doctor, she assumes. He's watching her expressions in concern as he examines her, checking her IV and listening to her heart. She stares back for a moment, before looking around the room. She recognizes no one else, which is weird in itself. Even if Castle is still being tended to, even if Martha and Alexis are with him, normally she'd at least wake up to find her dad or Esposito or Ryan or Lanie or _somebody_ familiar.

But the only other people in the room are who she assumes is a nurse, and two men in suits. The men draw her attention almost immediately. She can tell from a lot of little things, but it's the way they hold themselves, and the controlled expressions on their faces that identify them to her. Feds. As to what kind or why they are in her hospital room, however, she hasn't a clue.

She swallows with some difficulty. Her throat is dry. Still, she turns her head back toward the doctor. "Where's Rick?" she asks, her voice cracking, and she attempts to clear her throat and try again. "Where's my husband?" This time her words are stronger.

"He's doing ok, Ms. Beckett," the doctor answers, smiling reassuringly. "He's still in surgery, but he's stable. He should be just fine." He straightens and looks down at her. "You were a lucky woman," he says, almost too cheerily. "The bullets hit your intestine, but we were able to repair it and fix you right up. It'll take some time, but I believe you'll make a full recovery with little to no permanent repercussions. We've had you here in recovery since we finished your surgery, but everything seems to be proceeding well. You should be up and out of here in no time. How do you feel?"

Kate has to take a moment to process everything the man had just rambled at her, before realizing he'd asked her a question. "The pain is pretty intense," she replies, "but I guess I'm okay." Her gaze drifts back to the gentleman still waiting quietly in the room. They haven't said anything, and she's starting to become concerned.

"Well, I will get the nurse to bring you something to help with that pain, and I'll be back in a little bit to check on you." The doctor flashed her one more easy smile before turning to leave.

"Thank you," she said as he walked off. As soon as he was out the door, her attention snapped to her two unwanted visitors.

"It's nice to see you alive Ms. Beckett," the taller of the two spoke first. He was almost assuredly the senior partner, stepping up to take the lead.

Kate just continued glaring at them both. They would tell her why they were here without her asking, and truth be told, she didn't mind waiting. She knew she wasn't going to like whatever it was they said.

"I'm Special Agent Nick Bane," the man continued, then indicated his partner, "and this is Special Agent Terry Korrell. We're from the Attorney General's Office." Kate's only acknowledgement is a nod.

"We're very pleased at how you were able to take down LockSat," he went on, "Mason Wood and Caleb Brown. Good work." Another nod.

"Just to ease your mind, we are confident the organization that was behind the activities of Bracken and his associates' has been dissolved. You and your loved ones should no longer be under any threat from that corner."

Finally, Kate spoke, but it was short. "Thank you." There was nothing else she could really add. It may be over from their perspective, but the damage she did to her family may take years to overcome, if she can manage it at all. And whatever happens next, she will still be living with the guilt of what she put them, put him, through. Castle may say he forgives her, but she doesn't know if she will ever forgive herself.

"However," Agent Bane's voice startles her from her wandering thoughts, "we still have a supply line of heroin coming in from overseas with American involvement, and we would like your help in identifying the players and shutting it down."

"No", Beckett says emphatically. She's not sure where that strength in her voice came from, but the answer itself is an easy one. "I'm done," she tells them. "We're done. I am not putting my family through any more. You said it yourself. It's over."

"We're going to ask you to reconsider for a moment." This time it's the other agent, Korrell, who speaks.

Kate's head swivels slightly to look straight at him. "Why?" she demands. "There's nothing to consider, not for me." Her gaze is steady, almost feral, but she can hear her voice waver slightly, pleading with them not to make her do this.

"Actually," Korrell replies, "there is, Ms. Beckett."

Bane picks up the conversation once again, only his tone changes to formal and authoritative. "Captain Beckett," he says, "we are taking you into custody, effective immediately. You will be charged with illegal use of government resources. Really, we should mention that you've also illegally used NYPD resources, but we will leave the consequences of your actions there up to them to decide. But more significant is that your actions during your time at the AG's Office resulted in the death of 4 agents, namely Rachel McCord and her team. So we will also be charging you with 4 counts of accessory to murder."

Kate had always been able to school her expression, but the drugs in her system were making that difficult, and she can't help but gape at them. But she doesn't have a chance to reply, as Bane continues. "Also, when Mr. Castle has regained consciousness, he will be formally charged as well."

"For what?" Kate asks heatedly, but she could already guess.

"Obstruction of justice, and aiding and abetting," Bane answers calmly. "Now, it's true, he may be able to plea it down, or even walk, but at what cost? His career will be over. He has his mother and daughter to think about. And you? You will be not seeing your family for a very, very long time. We will not be asking for concurrent sentences. You will be moved to a hospital prison ward today, and once you recover, you will be transferred to a federal prison on the west coast pending your trial."

She lay there, stunned. She'd known, of course she had, that she could be charged if she was caught. But she really didn't think they would follow through with anything, especially if she was successful.

But she had been successful, and here she was. They had won. All she could do now was try to mitigate the damage. "What do you want?" she asks resignedly.

"We want you to go undercover," Korrell answers. "We will give you a new identity, and you'll 'follow the money'" He raises his hands to make air quotes.

"Make no mistake," Bane steps back in. "This will not be a quick assignment. We have already been working on this for 9 months, and we haven't made much progress. It will take you longer to find the group responsible and integrate yourself with them. However," his voice lightens, "if you are successful, we will give you and your husband full immunity. His starts the moment you say yes, and yours will begin after you complete your assignment."

Kate just stares at them. What do they expect her to say? They know they have her, that no matter how much she wants to refuse, she won't. Because if it was just her, maybe she'd argue, maybe she'd still say no. But they had threatened Rick, and she would never let them touch him.

Still, how would she ever explain this to him? She wouldn't leave him in the dark this time, she'd promised, never again. And she knew he'd be able to help her. He'd proved that time and time again, even when she wished, for his own sake, that he'd stay far away. But she wouldn't force him out this time. Even so, this was going to be one hell of a conversation.

She's only just started forming vague ideas on how to tell him when Korrell begins speaking again. "In order for this to work" he says, "Katherine Beckett dies today."

Kate reels back, at least as much as she can in a hospital bed, but she feels as if she's been physically struck. Where's that nurse with the painkiller?

"She will be cremated," Korrell continues, "and your new identity will take over. No one, and I mean no one," his gaze penetrates her own, "can ever know about this operation, including Mr. Castle."

This can't be happening, Beckett thinks. Not now. Korrell must see the distress in her face, because he goes on more softly, "Ms. Beckett, we know how much you love your family, and how hard this will be for you. We will see to it they are taken care of in your absence. But quite frankly, we need your help. You have the experience, the knowledge and the talents to make this operation successful." He pauses, grimacing a little. It's the first sign of real emotion she's seen from either of the agents. "And you truly don't have a choice," he tells her finally. "It's this or prison. Do this, you'll be helping others, including your family, or…" he lets his sentence hang for a moment. He shrugs. "It's your choice."

* * *

168 days after she woke up in the hospital, she's sitting in an office somewhere in the middle of Paris. She always wanted to come here with Rick, but like so many other things they wanted to do, they never had the chance. There was always another case that got in the way. Her abdomen still feels a little tight, but is healing nicely. She's regained most of her strength, although her stamina has been slower in returning.

Today she's meeting her handler. It's not something she's been looking forward to, nothing against whoever this person is, but she just wants to get this over with. Get on with her assignment. It will be her last, one way or another. Whatever the result, she has no plans on living on without the love of her life. So really she did die that afternoon, or at least, right now she's a dead woman walking. Soon enough, the overwhelmingly deep pain in her chest will come to an end, and either she'll die of a broken heart, or, more likely, a bullet. She really doesn't care which, as long as it meant relief.

"Ms. Beckett, my name is Karen Miller." A red-headed woman stepped into the room and addressed her. "I will be taking care of you and whatever you needs throughout this assignment." She sits down and lays the file in her hand onto the table. Beckett nods, but remained silent.

"First, I wanted to get you your new identity sorted. From here on out, it's Claire Young. We have set up your back-"

"No," Kate stops her, the firmness in her voice seeming to take the other woman aback.

"What…what do you mean, no?" Karen asks, lost.

"I have a name already set that I'm going to use," Kate tells her.

"That's not how this works" Karen replies, gently at first, then almost becoming a little indignant. "We've already set everything up. It's all ready to go."

"Then redo it," Kate says, unmoved. "I don't care what has to be done. I haven't had a say in what has happened to my life. And maybe that's my fault, what I've done. But this, this is non-negotiable. It's the one demand I am making."

Karen pauses, regarding her carefully. Truth be told, she felt for Kate. She had read the report; she knew how unfair this all was to her. Even if it was for the greater good as her superiors claimed. And for this to work, Karen is going to have to be someone Kate can trust, and she really does want a cooperative field agent if she can help it. "Okay," she agrees finally. "What's the name you have in mind?"

Kate smiles. It's the first real smile she has made in 168 days.

"Johanna Rogers."


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Wow, I can't believe how many have followed, reviewed, and favorited! Thanks so much for your support! Just to give you an idea of what's to come, while there will be a resolution to the case, this story is not going to focus much on action. It's definitely more about the characters, and getting Rick and Kate to the happy ending shown in the finale. That being said, there is angst coming up, but I am doing my best to make that realistic and not too much of a soap opera. Suggestions on how to make the story better is always welcome. Again, thank you so much for reading, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!**

* * *

When Special Agent Nick Bane said it would take a long time for her to integrate herself into this group, he was more right than he probably even realized. Kate, or Johanna as she was now called, as she now thought of herself, can't help but think that with her team in New York - Ryan, Esposito, Lanie, and Castle, especially Castle - she could have already wrapped this up. Practically on her own, however, she hasn't been able to get it done. She just isn't motivated to do it. And with lack of motivation comes lack of the outside-the-box thinking that has been the reason behind the success of her team.

That isn't to say that she hasn't made progress. She has, just not very much. Not enough for the higher-ups in the AG's Office. And they're becoming impatient.

Which is why they've called the meeting she and Karen are now about to walk into. Karen has been concerned for Johanna as of late, noting the lack of shine in her eyes, the defeated look that she's seen on her face the last few times they've met up. And she's not sure a dressing down from the boss is going to help the situation. "Are you sure you are ready for this?" Karen asks.

Johanna straightens, almost indignant at the question. "Of course" she replies, then leads the way as they walk into the conference room.

It's fifteen minutes of droning on by Bane and Keller's superior before he finally asks a question that elicits a response from Johanna, albeit an internal one. "Ms. Rogers, do we need to remind you how important this operation is?"

His query causes her hackles to go up. Of course she knew how important this was, _of course_ she did. She was recruited because she knew _exactly_ what was involved, the stakes and the players and the skills. She definitely knew it better than some bureaucrat trying to tell her how to do her job. Still, it took everything not to respond, to tell him that it wasn't nearly as important as everything she'd been forced to give up - her life, her name, _her love_. And yet she knew he wouldn't care, so she just stared stonily at him.

Special Agent Bane, silent for most of the meeting, finally speaks. "We need you to speed this up," he tells her, although his tone is calmer than that of his boss.

"I'm doing what I can to get this moving forward," Johanna says, replying mostly to Bane, and sounding patient, despite the fact that she can feel her temper shortening rapidly. "You know how closed off this group is. You said yourself they're tough to infiltrate."

Bane opened his mouth to answer her, but his superior beat him to it, his gruff tone making everyone stiffen. "No more excuses. Get this moving Ms. Rogers." With that, he rose abruptly and strode towards the door to leave the room, before turning back to deliver his parting shot. "It would be a shame if things back home with your family started to take a turn for the worse, wouldn't it?" Bane looked annoyed at the question, but didn't even glance at Johanna as he and Korrell got up and walked out after him.

"Well, that went well," Karen said after a moment.

"I don't know what they want from me," Johanna muttered. "I'm alone out here, and there's not much I can do working by myself."

Karen studied Johanna, noting the other woman wasn't shaken or upset, but definitely looked resigned. It pulled at her. Karen had, over the last year, come to think of Kate, well, Johanna now, as a friend. It had taken a while for Johanna to open up much to her, but over the last year, Karen has slowly become her confidant.

Which is part of the reason why, even now, when everyone else has taken to calling her by her new name, Karen can't stop thinking of her as Kate sometimes. When she's at work, she's all Johanna, the life she had before seeming to have almost belonged to someone else. But when she was off the clock, so to speak, she hadn't been able to let Kate go completely. Karen didn't know why, not for sure, but she could guess. Letting go of Kate would mean letting go of Castle, and she wasn't ready to do that. Perhaps she never would be.

Whatever the case, Karen has grown to like the woman she was working with, and that's why she finds herself determined to give Johanna a new angle to work this case from, something to give her a reason to go at this with a fresh determination.

"I think it's time we tried something different," Karen tells her.

"What do you mean?" Johanna looks at her, not quite excited but her eyes glinting with some curiosity.

"We're going to get you noticed by these guys," Karen replies. In truth, she's been working on finding a better way to do this for a while now, but the idea has only solidified into something they can actually do more recently. "I think it's time we called on your language skills, Ms. Rogers."

Karen stood and headed for the door, leaving Johanna to scramble after her, wondering just what the other woman was talking about.

* * *

As it turned out, Karen's plans were quite fruitful. Once they put Johanna in position as a Russian buyer, and thanks in no small part to the field agent's command of the language, things started moving forward. 672 days after waking up in the hospital and finally, _finally_ , they made progress. Johanna was now on her way to a small marina in Garraf, just south of Barcelona. The town, small and hidden from the rest of the world, was perfect to load and unload their heroin supply in international waters. From here the cargo would go onto cruise ships sailing out of Barcelona and off to ports around the world.

Today, Johanna was going to be meeting Fernando Ortiz. He's not the man she's really after, but he is a direct conduit to him, and to the conclusion of this nightmare.

In a perfect Russian accent Johanna extends her hand and says, "Mr. Ortiz, nice to finally meet you." She has brought an attaché and stands it on the ground between both of them.

"Good to meet you as well, Ms. Pavlov," the man smiles. Katrina Pavlov was her undercover name (and wouldn't Castle have loved that - an alias for and alias), and by Mr. Ortiz's easy response, she can tell he has approved of her completely. This would be a good day.

"We appreciate your business with us, Mr. Ortiz," she replies smoothly, giving him a charming grin. "The product is very good and you have made this transaction very profitable for us. So much so, that this case is for you." She nods toward the briefcase.

Ortiz picks it up and opens it. She watches in amusement as his mouth drops open slightly when he sees the one million Euro, though he quickly attempts to school his features.

"We appreciate your diligence in our business dealings," Johanna continues, "and this is our way of saying thank you."

"De nada," Ortiz says, somewhat dazed at the moment.

She has him hooked, now she just needs to reel him in. "We do have a request for our next business transaction, however." Ortiz looks up at her, guarded but curious. "We would feel much better if we knew who exactly we were working with," she tells him. "It would make us feel more…comfortable in our future exchanges. We want," she pauses, "we _need_ to meet him."

After her little speech, Johanna watches Ortiz, waiting for him to process her words and find a response. Finally, he replies, "I do not think that will be possible." She frowns, and he hastens to explain. "He does not do, eh, meet and greets."

The words unexpectedly take Johanna back to years ago, back to Kate, standing in line to get her book signed, Rick's smiling face and his sparkling eyes focused on her long before he even knew who she was beyond a fan in a bookstore.

Then she blinks, and she's returned to the reality in front of her. "Mr. Ortiz," she says, allowing exasperation to color her tone, hiding her disconcertion, "I am not an adoring fan. This is business, and we would like to make this happen."

Ortiz grimaces, obviously uncomfortable with the position she's putting him in. But she's not about to apologize. "Listen," he says, "Walter Thoms is not one for meetings. I do not think this will be possible." He pauses, eyeing her, not wanting to completely disappoint. "But I will see what I can do," he finishes.

Johanna smiles again. "Thank you. That's all we can ask for. I will have my men take care of the unloading." She nods at him, saying "Enjoy your day, Mr. Ortiz." And with that, Johanna turns and walks away. She only waits until she is completely out of sight of Ortiz before she starts beaming. For once, something has gone right. She got her name, and Walter Thoms has no idea what was coming for him.

* * *

14 days after meeting with Ortiz, Johanna is walking to her favorite coffee shop in Badalona. It's small place, just a couple of blocks from the apartment she has been living in for the past year. The shop reminds her of the ones in New York. They remind her of home, of him.

She always reads while she's there, from a physical book, not her tablet. Even though the place has wi-fi, she's come to enjoy the feel of the pages turning - especially the pages he has written her. Today she would be completing Driving Heat for the third time. It's the only way she knows how to stay close to him.

There's a book store that she frequents on her way to the coffee shop. It's where she's bought all her copies of Castle's books, as she never got to go home and get her collection to bring with her. As she passes it today, however, she notices a new display in the window. She stops immediately, pressing a hand to her heart, tears stinging her eyes before she even realizes it. She knows what's inside the book without even picking it up and turning its pages. A silhouette of her and him kissing captures her attention, before her eyes drift to the title above it: _Nikki Heat - All Good Things_. Without even thinking about it, she is inside, rushing to the shelf and picking the book up, startling herself with her own trembling hands. She freezes, wanting to turn to the dedication page, but nervous as to what she'll find there. She takes a breath, steadying herself, then opens to the first page.

 _To my extraordinary wife KB._

 _You will be with me, always._

 _Rest well, my love._

She sinks to the floor, uncaring that there's anyone else in the store, startled by the crying woman and wondering what in the new mystery novel on display could possibly have elicited such a reaction. But this is the moment, the first time she has faced anything at all of Rick's emotions after her 'death'. It's only a few words, but she can feel his grief through them, because it mirrors her own grief for, if not his death, his loss.

It's only a few minutes before she collects herself, slamming her emotions down long enough to drag herself off the floor and make her way to the counter to pay for the book. Once she's made her purchase, she heads home to a bottle of wine instead of the coffee shop. She won't be leaving her apartment for a while.

* * *

It takes her the night to get through the book the first time. She can't help but smile when she sees the happy ending he gave his characters, his fictional version of themselves. Nikki is pregnant, and she and Rook are off to enjoy their happily ever after. He gave them what she had not been able to give herself and Castle. Tears of joy at the books' ending mix with tears of sorrow at the ending of their real-life story, and she cries herself to sleep.

The next morning, Kate pulls out a pen and paper. She knows now that she has to do something. Despite the ending he gave Heat and Rook, Castle's pain all but jumps off the page, at least to her. She left without being able to do anything to alleviate that, even if that wasn't her fault. She had been forced into this, and she's never forgotten that. Still, she wants to help him, somehow, even in some small way.

She knows she can't contact him, not directly. The consequences of that would be disastrous. But she might still be able to do something for him, give him a reason to keep writing, to find his joy again, _something_.

She starts to write.

 _Dear Mr. Castle,_

* * *

Karen knows something is different when they meet the next day. It doesn't take her long to put it together when she sees the book on the table at the outdoor café they are at. "Is that?"

Johanna nods. "He gave them a happy ending," she tells the other woman, a small smile gracing her face.

It surprises Karen when Johanna starts talking after that, telling her all about the book. It surprises her even more when Kate makes an appearance to tell her more about her life with Richard Castle. Perhaps they really are becoming friends. It does not surprise her, however, when Johanna grows pensive and finally asks her a question. "Karen, will you do me a favor?"

Karen hesitates, then nods. "Sure, if I can," she says.

Johanna takes out the typewritten envelope made out to Richard Castle, in care of Black Pawn Publishing. She knows it will get to their star writer.

But on seeing the words, Karen starts shaking her head. "No. No way. You can't Johanna. _Kate_. He can't know you're alive."

"He doesn't. He won't," Johanna insists. "But I have to try to help heal him." She takes a deep breath and lets it out before continuing, trying to keep her voice level. "We will never be together again. I've had to leave him physically, and now I have to let him go, but I need to make sure he's recovering, not broken like he is now."

Karen presses her lips together, understanding if still unsure of all this. Johanna continues softly, "I typed it on the computer and printed it out. He won't recognize it's from me." She looks Karen straight in the eye. "The favor I am asking is that you take it and mail it from somewhere in Paris. There's no return address, no way to trace it back to me here." There's silence between them before Johanna finally adds, voice breaking, "Please."

Karen can't say no. She nods. "Okay. Okay, Johanna. God, I hope you know what you are doing." She picks up the envelope, stands, and turns to leave.

Johanna watches her go, sad and anxious, but grateful. "So do I," she whispers.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Thank you for all of your continued support with this story. There mmight be some delays over the next couple of weeks as I have family visiting, but know that the rough Draft of this is already complete, so it's just a matter of editing and uploading, and it will be finished. Hope you enjoy this next chapter!**

* * *

Kevin Ryan blinked in surprise. It's been almost two years since Rick has been in Manhattan, let alone to the 12th Precinct of the NYPD. And yet, one of his officers has just poked her head into his office to tell him that Rick is here, now. "He's asking to speak with you, Captain," she says.

Ryan shakes himself from his thoughts and jumps up. "Yeah, yes, let him in." He and Rick have kept in touch some, though perhaps not as much as he would have liked. But he would have expected a call from Castle, well, Rogers now, before a surprise visit. He can't help but think, as he waits for his friend to appear, that the last time Rick was in this room would have been when Kate was still Captain.

Ryan had not passed his first Sargent's Exam, but that hadn't been because he wasn't qualified. He had never been great at tests, his nerves often getting the better of him on school exams growing up. But after getting over the initial disappointment, and yes, jealousy, when Esposito advanced and he didn't, the detective had become determined that the next time he sat for Sargent, he would be more level-headed, and make the cut.

He didn't expect it would happen as soon as it did. Kate's death had rocked the lives of all those closest to her, not just Rick and her father, but her family at the 12th. For Ryan, it had hit especially hard. Seeing the state she'd left her husband in, he could only imagine what Jenny and their two children, Sarah Grace and Nicholas, would go through should something ever happen to him on the job. He'd always understood the possibility, and he didn't want to leave the career he loved, but what had happened to Beckett had shaken him up more than anything else ever had.

Ryan had told Rick all of this one day, while he was still in physical therapy and before he had moved to the Hamptons. Rick had become a friend to both Ryan and Esposito over the years, but to Ryan more so, perhaps because they both had similar values, underneath their wildly different surface personalities. They both were incredibly loyal and protective of the ones they loved, especially their families. There had, of course, been some rocky times when Rick and Kate were separated, but Ryan had been quick to move on once the real story had come out. In fact, he had felt somewhat sorry for Rick, the man having been almost as much in the dark as to his wife's actions as they were, at least for some time.

It wasn't long after he'd admitted his fears to Rick that he found himself presented with a chance to sit the Sargent's Exam again. This time he passed, and it seemed he was also put on the fast track to Captain. He knew his friend had pulled some strings. He hadn't said anything, but for at least several weeks after Kate's death he'd had direct lines to the mayor, the commissioner, and of course, Deputy Commissioner Gates. Still, the one time Ryan had approached Rick about it, the other man had been elusive. The only thing he'd finally said was that he didn't want his friend's family to go through the same heartbreak he was experiencing.

When he put it like that, Ryan couldn't be irritated that Rick had interfered. Jenny was quietly grateful, too.

In the meantime, Ryan had done everything he could to honor those who had served in this office before him. Like Montgomery, he put his people ahead of the politics. Like Gates, he made sure his precinct worked as a unit, a team. And like Beckett, his motivation for closing all the cases that came across his desk, many times by somewhat unconventional means, was to make sure the victim's family found peace.

He's pulled from his musings by Rick's walking through the door, offering Ryan a smile. "Hello Captain."

"Rick," Ryan grins back and steps forward to hug his friend. "It's great to see you," he tells him, then pulls back to look Rick in the eye. "How're you doing?"

Rick's smile drops slightly, but doesn't completely disappear. "I'm…okay," he answers, then quickly returns, "And you? How's Jenny? Kids okay?"

"Everyone's fine," Ryan says, then shakes his head a little. "The kids are just growing so fast."

"That happens," Rick quips. "And how's the new Captain of the 12th?"

"You know, I really like it," Ryan admits. "I actually don't mind the administrative side. And I get to see the kids more, tuck them in at night, you know? Jenny doesn't worry as much, either." Ryan suddenly stops his rambling when he catches Rick's wistful expression. He hadn't thought. "I'm sorry, Rick. I shouldn't have said that."

"Hey, no," Rick rushes to assure him. "No worries, my friend. I'm glad for you guys." He pauses only briefly before continuing, "You hear from Espo much?"

"Yeah," Ryan replies, "we stay in touch. He loves the ESU. And getting his promotion to Lieutenant was something he'd been working towards for a while, so that was good for him. He's doing well, overall."

"I'm happy to hear that. Kate would be proud of her boys." Rick's smile at that was genuine, but Ryan could tell it was still a pained one.

"I miss her every day, Rick," Kevin says quietly, then adds, "But I've really missed you, too." Rick nodded in acknowledgement, unable to reply. "How are you really doing?" Ryan presses.

Rick sighs heavily and averts his eyes away from his friend, staring at some blank space on the wall. "I'd be lying if I said I was alright," he finally admits. "Sometimes it just hurts to breathe. Writing helped, and the ending was therapeutic, I suppose, but then I stop and think about what could've been, and I am right back there in that kitchen." He looks back at Ryan, and the captain can see the tears in his eyes threatening to spill over. "It's hard, Kev." Ryan just nods. What can he say? Then Rick clears his throat. "But, hey, listen, there's a favor I need from you. It's why I'm here."

"Sure," Ryan agrees readily, "name it."

Rick studies him. He knows Ryan cared about Kate, cares for him now, but he's also logical. This might be a bit too unbelievable for him. Still, Rick thinks, he needs to try. "Kevin," he starts, "this is going to sound crazy, but I have evidence that Kate is alive and I want your help in tracking her down."

He says it without pausing, not wanting to give Ryan a chance to interrupt. Apparently that wasn't really necessary, because the captain just gapes at him in silence for a few seconds, before he eventually works his way around to ask, "What evidence?"

Rick takes the envelope out of his jacket and hands it to Kevin, then does his best not to fidget while the other man reads it. He has gone over and over this, wondering if he was crazy, if he was seeing things that weren't actually there. But he knows it's her.

Unfortunately, Ryan isn't convinced. "Rick, this could've been sent by anyone," he says flatly.

"Kevin, this is Kate. I know it is."

"Rick," Kevin's tone is sympathetic, and Rick does his best not to look irritated. "Kate died two years ago. I miss her, so much, and I know that isn't even close to what you must feel. But this," he holds up the letter, "this isn't her. It's not, Rick. I know you want it to be but it's not." His voice cracks on the last word, and it makes Rick determined to try again.

"Kevin, I know it's Kate. Think about it - it makes sense. No body. No straight answers from her doctors. Everything screams cover up." Ryan's listening but he isn't believing. "She was taken," Rick insists, "and I need to find her." He looks his friend straight in the eyes. "And I need your help to do it."

Ryan pauses, wishing his friend wasn't putting him in this position. He wants to be loyal to Rick, to help him, but going along with this won't help if Rick's wrong, and he likely is. He tries reasoning. "Rick, why now? How is it she writes you, now, after your book is released? Doesn't that show whoever wrote this is free, able to do what they want? If she can write this letter, then why hasn't she called, told you she's alive, told you she needs help?"

Rick knows now that he won't convince Ryan. Not without more evidence. He doesn't really blame him. They may have known each other longer, but Ryan doesn't know Kate like Rick does. Still, it's hard to hide his disappointment. "I don't know, Kev. I don't have the answers. I don't even have the strength to speculate. What I do know," he says determinedly, "is that I am going to find her. Whatever it takes."

"Rick, please." Ryan tries once more. His own emotions and those he sees in his friend's face strain his voice. "We buried her ashes next to her mom. There is no finding her." His tone turns pleading. "You have to let her go, Rick. Talk to someone that can help you let her go. Please," he adds in a whisper.

Rick nods slowly. He knows it's over for now, with Kevin. He'll have to pursue other options, come back with something stronger to convince him. In the meantime,

"Okay Kevin," he says. "Okay, I hear you. Told you I was having a hard time." Ryan gives him a nod, wary of him letting up so easily. "Thanks for hearing me out," Rick adds.

"Course," Ryan replies. After a few minutes more of small talk, the captain got a phone call. Rick gave him another hug and took his leave.

The moment the elevator doors closed, he pulled his phone out and scrolled through the contacts. When he found Hayley Shipton, he hit send.

* * *

It isn't long after that Rick walks into his old PI office. After Kate's 'death', he had signed it over to Alexis and Hayley, keeping only a small share for himself just in case he, for some reason, ever wanted to come back. He figured he wouldn't, but it was a way to stay connected to his daughter and his past. Once she moved to Southern California with Chris, however, Alexis sold her share to Hayley. Hayley was now majority owner of Richard Castle Investigations, and by the look of it, she was doing quite well.

After his meeting with Ryan, Rick really did not want to go through another round of trying to convince someone else, even Hayley. But he knew he couldn't find Kate on his own. So he braced himself and walked in. "Hi, Hayley," he says when he spots her coming out of his old office, where she has apparently taken up residence. "Thanks for meeting with me," he tells her.

"Hey, Rick," Hayley greets him with a smile. She walks over and gives him a hug. "You're looking good. What brings you back to the city?" she asks, getting right to the point.

"A plea for help, Hayley," Rick answers. Just as he did with Ryan, Rick takes out the letter and shows it to the younger detective, but this time he waits to say anything until after she reads it, which she does twice, glancing up at Rick in between.

When she's finished and looks up at him again, Rick tells her. "It's Kate. I know it is." His voice is resolute, belying the desperation he feels. He's not sure who to go to next if she won't help him, either.

"How?" Hayley asks, but her tone is curious, and that gives Rick a little spark of hope.

"It's her story," he explains. "It's what she told me when we first became partners, about her mom and my books. And losing her husband?" Hayley is just watching him, so he keeps going. "And more than anything else," he says, "it's our word. Always. That's me and Kate." As he says it, he believes it even more. He's not crazy. Kate is alive. He will find her.

But he needs help.

Hayley's silent for a moment, searching his face, studying him. Something she sees must finally satisfy her, however, because she finally nods once and asks, "What do you need from me?"

Rick only barely restrains himself from doing a fist pump.

"The letter was sent from France," he tells her, the words coming out in an excited rush. "That's all I have to go on. Can you help me track her down? Hack into somebody over there and find out what's going on?"

"Rick," Hayley says, and her tone is one of amused long-suffering, "that's not how it works and you know that." She pauses, thinking. "Let me see if any of my contacts in MI-6 know anything. If she is in France, then maybe they have an idea of what's going on. They may have at least heard of some new player coming in." She hands back the letter to Rick. "Give me a couple of days to get with them. With the time difference, it'll take that. Are you staying in the city?"

"Yeah," Rick replies, "I'm at the Plaza."

"Good. Keep your phone close by. I'll call you as soon as I know anything."

Rick smiles in relief and backs up toward the door. "Thank you, Hayley," he says, and he means it.

"Least I can do for you, Rick," she returns, then pauses before adding, "But listen, you have to be prepared that this isn't her. That she is gone. Can you do that?"

Rick nods immediately, not wanting to give her any reason to change her mind. "Yes, yes, I promise, if we find out that this letter did not come from Kate," he holds it up in front of him, "then I will let her go and move on. I'll even see someone to help me do that. But I have to know for sure." His last sentence is resolute, and Hayley tips her head at him in acknowledgment as Rick turns to leave.

He smiles as he walks down the street. He knows it won't come to him finding help to move on. He won't have to. She's out there.

Which is why he's excited but not surprised when Hayley calls him two days later asking him to come in.

"My contact came through," she says. "Rick, you were right."


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: I apologize for the long wait for this. This is the longest chapter so far, so hopefully that will help make up for it a little, and updates should be a bit more regular from here on out. Thank you for your patience, your views, follows, and favorites, and your encouraging comments!**

* * *

Hayley is tapping away at her keyboard when Rick steps into her office half an hour after she called him. She glances up and gives him a quick smile and a "Hey," before waving him over to stand next to, facing her laptop screen. "So I spoke to a friend of mine from MI-6," she begins to explain, "and he was able to do a bit of checking for us."

"What did he find?" Rick asks, not particularly interested in the how of it all, but rather the results.

"I'll let him explain that," she tells him, another pop-up appearing on her screen that she begins working in. "Just have to finish this, talking to him requires a network setup with just a bit more security than usual."

She isn't kidding. The level of encryption that Rick is seeing is way over his head. Still, it isn't long before a man about Hayley's age appeared on the screen. "There you are," he says. "Hello Hayley. And you must be Richard Castle," the man adds, gaze flicking over to him.

"That's me," Rick says, then adds as an afterthought. "Well, Richard Rogers, actually." He shrugs. "Castle is just a penname, now."

The other man gives him an acquiescent nod, then Hayley speaks again. "Rick, meet Logan Cooper."

Logan gives them a tight smile and Rick grows more serious. "Thanks for helping us Mr. Cooper," he says.

"It's just Logan," comes the reply, "and I'm not sure if I have all the information you want, or even how much I can tell you. But I'll tell you what I can."

Rick isn't sure he likes the sound of that, but Hayley wouldn't have called him in for nothing. And sure enough, she interjects quickly. "Just tell Rick what you told me, about the new operative in play."

He sighed, "So, like I told Hayley already, we were made aware of an operative that showed up in France about a year ago," he began. "We don't have much on her, it's not our jurisdiction, but we do know she's working for your Attorney General. There is no way they should be operating over there, but no one wants to make waves, so it seems to be kind of a stalemate. She's trying to integrate herself with a drug gang, according to our sources, but we haven't learned much beyond that, nothing concrete, anyway. It's all just whispers. However, we know what she looks like, and from the description Hayley gave me and the picture she sent, I believe it's your wife, Mr. Rogers."

Rick feels his knees start to buckle. He puts his hand out onto the desk to steady himself. He'd known, _he'd known_ she was alive, ever since the letter. But this - now he has confirmation.

And it feels so much worse than he would ever have thought it would. Because now he knew she had lied. She had faked her death and left, left her life, her job, her family. She'd left him. Why? Why would she do this? Why didn't she tell him? He felt anger he had managed suppress years ago bubbling up to the surface, and he tamps it down with an effort. Now is not the time to get mad. He could do that later. Here and now, he needs answers. "Where is she?" he finally manages to ask.

"We don't know that," Logan replies, and Rick bites down on his tongue to keep from cursing. "All I can tell you is that she is working out of Paris. But we don't know anything else. They are trying to keep a tight lid on the operation, whatever it actually is, and they are doing a pretty good job of it."

Hayley tries another tack. "What name is she using? We can track her that way."

Logan's response is immediate. "No, Hayley. That's classified. We shouldn't even know. I can't give that to you." He pauses, then softens his tone. "I've already given you too much, but I owe you that. But I'm not risking my career for this."

Hayley is already shaking her head, and when she speaks her voice has a plea in it. "Come on Logan. This is his wife. You know no one will know it came from you. But he needs to know. You have to be able to see that, yeah? He needs to know she's safe." Logan watches her, listening, looking regretful, but not completely swayed. "Please," she adds, her voice firm but entreating.

Rick can see the internal battle on Logan's face, but ultimately he stands his ground. "I can't. I'm really sorry, but, I just can't." He stops, then redirects his attention to Rick again. "Look, Mr. Rogers, I hope you find her, and I hope what I could give you helps you get started, but this is really all I can do. Good luck."

And then he's gone.

Rick stands staring at the blank screen for a few moments. His mind is racing with this proof that she's alive, but he's also grappling with the realization that he can't really do anything about it. There is no lead, not really. He can't just fly to Paris and start asking questions with no idea of what he is actually looking for. She's deep cover, and doing so could get her killed, get both of them killed. And, if he's realistic, he knows it's very possible that she might not even be there anymore. He walks over to the couch and plops down with a sigh, running his hands through his hair.

"Rick," Hayley says, gentle and firm like she's speaking to a distressed client, which he supposes he pretty much is. "We'll find her. I'll keep looking."

"How, Hayley?" he retorts, an annoyed edge to his tone, even though he's not really upset with her. It was this whole situation. "We have no leads, no name, no nothing," he lists off. "You can't just take time from your business to go on some wild goose chase for me." He shakes his head and settles back more into the cushions. "No, it's over until we can find something more concrete."

"I will keep looking," she repeats, and her tone is almost scolding. "I'm sure there is some-"

She startles at the sound of her phone vibrating on the desk, and Rick's gaze follows her to it. "It's from Logan," she breathes.

Rick is up and at her side before he even registers his own movements. Hayley swipes at the message icon, and they both stare at the name on the screen.

 _Johanna Rogers_

* * *

Rick and Hayley walk into the captain's office more cheerfully than Ryan might have expected. Kevin shakes his head, fond exasperation apparent in his features. "He rope you into this theory too, huh?" he asks Hayley.

"It's not a theory, Kevin," Rick replies before Hayley can say anything. "Not anymore."

Ryan's gaze flickers between the two, eventually settling on Hayley. She gives him a small smile and a nod. "Alright," he relents after a moment. "What've you got?"

And then Rick utters something Kevin never thought he'd hear his friend say.

"We need to see Vikram."

* * *

Vikram Singh is still the IT tech for the 12th Precinct. He continues to hold the same position Beckett had gotten him when she'd started down this destructive road called LockSat. The man owes Kate his life, and Rick is going to make sure he pays up today.

Vikram enters the captain's office within minutes, and surprise at seeing Rick there is written all over his face. He immediately focuses back on Ryan, avoiding eye contact with both of the captain's visitors. "You wanted to see me sir?" he asks.

"Close the door Vikram, and take a seat," Ryan replies, and Rick can see the same amusement he feels in the captain's eyes. Though for Rick it's a bit more twisted. He enjoys intimidating Vikram, as much as he knows he shouldn't.

The shades are already pulled down, so they're as private as they are going to get. As soon as the IT tech takes a seat, Ryan motions to Rick, forcing even Vikram's eyes to him. "Okay, Rick. It's your meeting. What do you got?"

Rick meets the eyes of each of the other two men briefly, then begins. "Kate is working for the Attorney General out of Paris…"

Vikram almost immediately interrupts with an aggravated sigh. "Are you serious right now?" he asks, sounding irritated. "That's impossible. Kate died. And they don't work in other countries. Domestic only."

"Let's hear him out Vikram." Kevin scolds, his voice loud and firm enough to stop Singh's rant. He nods at Rick to continue.

"We have evidence that says she has been there for at least the last year. We even have her undercover name."

Rick pauses there, brows furrowed. He's watching Ryan, whose expression, usually so open, at least to him, he can't read now. He's not sure if that means the captain believes him or is trying to humor him. Rick glances at Hayley who gives him a small supportive smile. "Go ahead," she whispers.

Rick turns his gaze to Vikram, consciously making an effort to soften his features. "We would like your help to track her down," he tells him. "Perhaps use your connections in or knowledge of the AG's Office to find out where exactly she is now."

Vikram's response is immediate and insolent. "I can't do that," he responds, half panicky, rising from his seat. "Are you crazy? She's not alive and you want me to risk my career over some harebrained theory that what, she faked her death? No way," he insists. "I'm not going to jail for something like this."

Rick can feel his anger at the man surging up. After everything Kate did for him, Vikram was going to sit by and do nothing while she's out there on her own?

But it's Ryan who speaks before he can even start in on Singh. "Vikram, we owe her this," he says, and there is no wavering, no question. "You know we do. Beckett saved and protected you, and I owe her my life a few times over. If she's alive…" he trails off for a moment, and while Rick sees a hint of uncertainty in Ryan's face at first, it's quickly wiped away by resolve. "If she's alive, then we need to know. Rick needs to know. And we're going to help him find the truth."

Vikram expression is tight, and he looks like he wants to argue, but can't quite bring himself to do so. Rick knows he's not on board, and he wants to rage at the man for being a coward when Kate was so, so brave and risked her life to save him.

Again, Ryan, this time with a sigh, beats him to speaking, seeming to sense what Rick does. Vikram won't help without a guarantee. "As your captain, I'm authorizing you to do whatever you have to do to find out everything you can on Beckett's whereabouts. But do it quietly."

The captain's words touch Rick unexpectedly, surprising him even. While liking them both, he had always felt closer to Kevin than Javier, but is still amazed by his friend's willingness to take this big of a risk for him. To be honest, Rick had come in here expecting full well to have to guilt and threaten Vikram himself, but Ryan had made that unnecessary, possibly jeopardizing his career in the process. The emotion from everything that had happened in the last few hours, culminating in this, form a lump in Rick's throat. He is only snapped out of his reverie when Kevin turns back to him and asks, "What's the name she's using?"

Hayley jumps in then, giving Rick a chance to swallow and refocus. "Johanna Rogers," she announces.

Kevin's eyes dart to her and then back to Rick, widening in surprise. "You're kidding."

Rick manages a humored smile. "Nope."

Both Hayley and Vikram are visibly confused as the Kevin and Rick both chuckle softly. "Okay," Hayley says, "what are we missing?"

Rick takes pity on her. "Johanna is the name of Kate's mom," he explains. "She was murdered, and the investigation into her death is what started us down this road years ago. And you know Rogers was my legal last name before I took Castle, that it's my last name again now, but there is no way she would've known I went back to it."

Kevin had a big grin on his face. "He's right. She's honoring them both in her way. And that's me convinced." He stood. "Let's get to work."

* * *

It took time. But not as much as Rick honestly expected. Ryan calls him back into the precinct less than 48 hours after their meeting with Vikram. He doesn't say much, but from the excitement tinging his voice, Rick knows they have something. Hayley is already there, as she's been able to assist Vikram in his task, but Rick had crashed in the PI office after he had annoyed everybody with his pacing and questions. So now he rushes back to the 12th.

Unfortunately, the time alone has given him plenty of opportunity to speculate. He'd been so focused on finding her, but now all he can think about is what happens if he does. No, when he does. He missed her, obviously. He wanted answers, of course he did, but mostly he just wanted to have their life together back. But was that even possible? He knew that she wouldn't have remarried. Even without knowing she went by Rogers, he did believe that she meant it when she said he was her one and done.

But what would happen once he finds her? Will she even want him back? The letter she sent indicated that she did miss him, that she saw him as taken from her. But maybe this new life she had meant more to her? And if she did want him, how would that work? Would they come back here, to the city? Unlikely. Too much has changed. But maybe they could find some new challenges to take on together? If she allowed that to happen. If she didn't, if she sent him away, well, he would leave her behind, but could he really let their past go, let her go, and finally move on?

He doesn't want to think about that possibility. And right now he doesn't have to. The elevator dings and the doors slide open, and he's soon walking the familiar steps into the captain's office.

No one even takes the time to greet him, their excitement, even Vikram's, he notes, outweighing the need for pleasantries. Hayley immediately starts talking. "Well if you know where to start looking…"

"And if you know where the back door is…" Vikram adds.

"Then it's not too hard to find what you're after," Ryan finishes. "She's working out of an office that tracks back to the AG's Office in Paris," he continues, "but she's not actually there. A Johanna Rogers is renting an apartment in a small town outside of Barcelona called Badalona. She is doing some undercover work on a major drug ring working out of Barcelona." He raises an eyebrow significantly. "Believe it or not, I think this is the same network that started with Bracken and Vulcan Simmons."

Vikram speaks up. "It's a heroin drug ring that she's involved with," he says, "and the drugs have the same markers we were tracking when we were chasing LockSat."

Despite the speed at which the information is thrown at him, Rick keeps up, and it's easy to fall into the familiar pattern of theorizing with the others. "The AG must've believed that there were more people involved than just Mason Wood and Caleb Brown. That's why they convinced her to go with them. But in order for her cover to work, everyone had to believe she was dead."

"Makes sense," Ryan agrees.

Rick looks at him, knowing his friend can see the hurt in his eyes and not bothering to try to hide it. "But it doesn't," he says softly, then raises his volume a little while simultaneously turning away from the others and pacing toward the desk. "Why did she agree to go? She promised she was done. Why wouldn't she just tell me?" He turned and looks at Ryan, momentarily blocking out the other two in the room. "She always did that," he tells him, "always made decisions that involved both of us without talking to me. I just don't understand."

Kevin approaches him slowly and puts one hand on his shoulder, passing a piece of paper to him in the other. "Then why don't you go ask her?" Rick looks down to the note Kevin passed him to find an address scribbled down on it. He glances back up at his old friend, who gives him a small smile.

"Here's your ticket to Barcelona." Hayley adds, coming up next to Ryan and handing Rick him a boarding pass. "It leaves at midnight tonight. First Class courtesy of Richard Castle Investigations."

Ryan's smile turns into a full grin now, and the hand on Rick's shoulder gives him a friendly shove. "Go find your wife, Rick."


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Wow, I can't believe this story has gotten over 100 followers now! Thank you to all of you who have supported this with your follows, comments, and favorites.**

 **A reviewer did point out a mistake - Kate's mom's name is spelled Johanna, not Joanna. I have tried to fix that in previous chapters, and it should be correct going forward, but I can't guarantee I caught every one.**

 **Enjoy the next chapter!**

* * *

Walter Thoms was a ghost. Despite Johanna's having procured the name of the man they are after, neither she nor the AG's Office can gain any traction on his location. She half wonders if Ortiz dropped a false name on purpose, but she doesn't quite think he's that smart. Walter Thoms, on the other hand - very smart. Well, he hasn't kept his organization afloat by being stupid, she supposes. Still, she is working to set up another meet with Ortiz. She doesn't hold out much hope they'll get any further using him, but at least she can continue to pressure him, and hope he or Thoms makes a mistake. However, it's becoming clear they are going to have to come up with a plan B, something else to draw Thoms out into the open.

Unfortunately, Johanna hasn't been able to come up with said new plan, much to her frustration. And so, on a particularly sunny morning that completely contrasts her dark mood, she decides that the only way forward was with coffee. Strong coffee. Lots of it. And her book. Which has led her to her favorite little coffee shop, book on the table while she reads, soaking up the comfort it gives her.

The thing is, it's one of the very few connections to Rick she has. She was able to keep tabs on her friends back home via internet, staying close to them in spirit if not in body. She knows Kevin became Captain of the 12th. She's so proud of him. She knows the precinct is in good hands, and Kevin can spend more time with his family.

She read of Espo's promotion to the ESU team as Lieutenant, but she can't find any information on his personal life. She has no idea if anything ever worked out with Tori, or any other woman for that matter. She misses him. More than anyone, he always understood her. From the PTSD she dealt with to having her back with psychos on the job, she could always count on Javier Esposito.

And Lanie married Alan. Johanna saw the announcement online. The day of the wedding was one of the worst since she'd left New York. She should've been there. She would've been the maid of honor. She wonders who took that role in her place. She'd cried for hours that horrible, happy day.

There wasn't much Johanna could find on Martha, but she still advertises her studio, so at least she is still doing what she loved.

Her father is another story. She saw a picture of him at her 'funeral'. He looked devastated. She was able to discover he retired shortly after that. She knows he must have moved up to the cabin. It's his sanctuary. She knows Rick will check in on him from time to time. She also knows her dad will thank him but ultimately stay to himself. She got her independence from him as much as from her mother.

She found clips on YouTube of Alexis' wedding. She'd looked so beautiful and happy dancing with her new husband, Chris, celebrating with her friends and family. Another event Kate should have been there for. Keeping Rick calm and helping Alexis plan and dancing with her husband after the father/daughter dance. Letting him know that even if Alexis was moving forward with her life, he wouldn't be alone.

Except she'd done the opposite. She'd left him alone. Those videos were the only glimpses of Rich she's seen since the day in the loft. He'd been smiling, trying to be happy for his girl, but she could see the pain lingering in his eyes. She will never forgive herself for that. For hurting him, hurting them all. Being the shadow over what should have been a day full of joy. She just hopes that with his daughter and perhaps grandchildren that soon may follow, he will find some happiness again.

But even if he does, even if he already _has_ , she may never know. Aside from the wedding clips, Rick is nowhere to be found. No matter how many searches she does, no matter how many sites she looks at, she can find no trace of him. He has practically taken himself off the grid. It's so unlike him. Rick Castle always made news, but not these days. It makes his book that much more treasured. His words to her, his memorial to them. The experiences of Heat and Rook are their experiences, the conversations their conversations. The ending could've been their ending, the one Johanna dreams about every night when she falls asleep and becomes Kate again. If only.

Johanna looks back down at her book.

She doesn't know how many times she's read it. She's made notes on every page. Thoughts about why he wrote a particular passage. Details not written but that she remembers of their adventures together. Her additions nearly make another novel, she muses. She flips the book back to the beginning, and takes another sip of her coffee as she starts it again.

Her cup is half empty when she hears, senses someone behind her.

"Enjoying your book?"

Those three words make everything stop, her heart included. But it's not the question that makes her freeze. It's the voice. She _knows_ that voice. But it can't be. She almost doesn't want to look, afraid of it being real, and just as terrified that she imagined it.

Slowly she lifts her head up twists in her seat. When she meets his eyes and sees his soft, nervous smile she can't stop herself, despite still being unsure that this is real. She is out of her chair in half a second and manages to flip it over in her haste. It clatters to the floor and other patrons turn to look but she doesn't care, doesn't even notice them really, because she's grasping him and he's solid and real and _here_. His arms encircle her and he holds onto her just as tightly as she does him.

He doesn't say anything, just holds her, nuzzling into her hair and kissing the top of her head. She is the one to finally break the silence. She doesn't want to, but as much as she's missed him, as much as she wants to grab his hand and run off into the sunset, she can't. If he's here, he's in danger, if not from those she's tracking, then from the AG's Office itself. "Rick, what are you doing here?" she asks, pulling back a little and looking up into his face. "How did you find me? You can't be here."

His smile turns tender and reassuring, and she doesn't protest when he brings her close again and hugs her tightly, stroking his fingers through her hair. She melts right back into him, the comfort of his touch calming her worries if only for a few moments. "Shh. It's okay Johanna," he whispers, and her breath hitches at his use of the name. "I know what's going on. It's okay." She can hear the emotion in his voice and knows he must feel her own tears on his neck.

Eventually, they both take a seat at her table.

They are each silent for a minute, staring at each other, drinking each other in. Johanna finds herself completely overwhelmed, with no idea what to say, where to start.

Fortunately Rick has always known just how to break the tension. "So what brings you to Badalona?" he asks, a mischievous, if not bright, grin lighting up his features.

She laughs, but has to stop to hold back a sudden wave of tears trying to break loose. She isn't completely successful as a few escape regardless.

Rick waits patiently for her to regain control, but when he speaks again, his tone is more serious. "We need to talk," he says. She nods. "Is there somewhere we can go?"

* * *

They are both lost in thought as they walk. Rick lets Kate, or Johanna, or whoever she is, lead him, but he stays in step with her, despite not knowing the destination. His hand twitches, automatically seeking out hers, but he doesn't let it move towards her.

Little does he know that Kate - she can't think of herself as Johanna right now, not with him here next to her - is fighting the same inclination. She wishes suddenly that she had a coat, despite the mild temperature, if only to shove her hands into her pockets to avoid reaching out to him. She has no idea what is actually going through his head right now, and despite the reunion they just had, she's not sure her touch will be welcome at the moment.

As they turn a corner, Rick nearly stops in astonishment when he sees the park, a playground sitting abandoned on one side of it. Sure enough, Kate heads straight for the pair of swings that are hanging there so quietly, inviting them to take their places.

Kate swallows around a lump in her throat as she lowers herself onto one of the seats floating above the ground. It seems that they'd always had their life changing moments on a pair of swings, and she brought them here today because she knew this conversation would be one of them. Whatever the result, neither of them would be the same again.

She notices Rick seems to sense the heaviness of the moment, as he watches her sit first from a few feet away before taking the last couple of steps to the other swing and joining her. The silence stretches, and she knows that he's waiting for her to speak. She knows what she should say, or what the AG's Office would tell her she needed to say. But she can't. He came for her, showing a depth in his love that she is awed by, despite having been on the receiving end of it time and again.

So she will tell him. She will not turn her back on him, never again. If he chooses to leave after her explanation, then she will let him. Her heart will break, she knows that already, but she also knows she lost the right to ask him to stay with her long ago. But this, he deserves this. He deserves to know the story.

First, however, she needs to say something else. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she looks up at him. "Rick, I am so sorry about all of this. I know those are hollow words, that it won't ever be enough, but I am sorry."

Rick nods in acknowledgement. He knows she means it, he can hear it in her voice, see it in her expression, but she's right. There's no way that an "I'm sorry" makes this all better. She left him, made him think she was dead, let him grieve for two years. He needs to know her reasons. Once and for all. He tries to make his voice firm, but the words come out on nearly a whisper. "Why'd you do it Kate?"

He watches as she visibly braces herself, searching his face, and he keeps his gaze steady. "I will tell you everything," she says finally. "Everything. They…" she pauses, drifting off for a moment before soldiering on, "they won't like it, if they find out, but…you need to know. This wasn't what I wanted."

Her last words are so quiet he strains to hear them, but when he does, he feels a sudden spike of anger, surprising him. But he can't help it. If this is not what she wanted, why are they sitting here?

Before he can utter a sound, though, she rushes into her story. "The AG agents were in my room when I woke up," she starts. "I had been shot in my abdomen and the doctors repaired the damage to the intestine. But I wasn't…I wasn't in as bad of shape as you, I guess. They told me you were still in surgery, but that you would be okay, that you were stable." She stops for a second, inhaling and exhaling shakily before continuing. "They told me we ended it, that everything revolving around Bracken was done, over. But they needed my help in taking down the group responsible for the supply line that's getting the drugs into the US."

"So why didn't you wait for me, talk to me?" Rick interrupts.

Kate shakes her head, then continues with her story, knowing it will answer his questions. "I told them no. I said I was done. We were done, and I would never do anything that would take me away from you again. But," she swallows and looks away from him, "they had different plans."

The earnest concern and hurt in his eyes finally forces Kate to turn away from Rick. She can't keep going seeing that emotion. She faces forward, doing her best to keep the waver out of her voice. "They said I was being placed in custody immediately. That I had unlawfully used government resources, which led to the death of Rachel and her team. Which…wasn't wrong. They were going to charge me with 4 counts of accessory to murder and try for consecutive sentences." She stopped when she felt him take her hand. She looked down at his fingers entwining with hers, then back up to him. "They would've gotten the conviction too," she says. "I always knew I could've been charged, or fired and fined at least, if they found out, but figured they wouldn't do that if we were successful." She sighed. "In the meantime, they said they were going to immediately transfer me to a hospital prison ward and then to a Federal Prison somewhere on the West Coast."

Listening to her explanation, Rick can feel his anger dissipate, at least that directed at Kate. He's beginning to understand. Really, hadn't he already guessed that they had forced her into this? But he can tell she isn't done.

"The worst part," she says, "was they were going to charge you as well. They were going to arrest you as soon as you were awake, and charge you with obstruction of justice and aiding and abetting."

Rick shakes his head, knowing that the AG's Office wouldn't have gotten far - his attorney was better than that. "I could've beaten that easily, Kate."

"But at what cost, Rick?" she protests. "Everything you've built would've been over. Your PI office would be gone, and no way could you work with the NYPD. And who knows what damage it would have done to your writing career? I couldn't take that chance."

She stops to wipe away a couple of stray tears. He strokes her thumb with his, calming her a little. "They told me that if I took the assignment, they would make sure you, your family, and my dad would be taken care of. You'd have their protection, and they'd keep an eye on you, make sure you had everything you needed after I was gone. You would get immunity immediately. I would get immunity after the assignment was over. I had to agree," she chokes out, barely managing to keep herself together. "If I didn't, our life together was over. I would never be with you again. I was facing life in prison, Rick. And you were facing years - years away from Alexis and your mother for my mistakes. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't…I had to take the deal."

Rick looks away for a moment to gather his thoughts. He realizes that they put her in a horrible position. And if the situation had been reversed he knows he would have made the same choice. But still…

"I understand your taking the deal," he says slowly, but his pace speeds up as he turns back to Kate, "but why didn't you tell me any of this then? Why did you have to leave me alone? I thought you were dead, Kate. I grieved for you, I… why couldn't I come with you? And most importantly, why did you make a decision that affected _both_ of us on your own, _again_?"

Her first instinct has always been to go on the defensive, to argue when accused. But in this case, Kate knows that Rick's questions are valid. She doesn't even try to excuse herself, just waits until she's sure he's finished before explaining.

"In order for the operation to succeed" she tells him, "they determined that Katherine Beckett, captain of the 12th and your wife, needed to die in that firefight. That way the people I'd be going after wouldn't get suspicious of me immediately. I promise you, Rick, hurting you like that was the _last_ thing I wanted to do. Especially after… we were just getting past the separation and the lies. My fault, too. But I didn't have a choice, they didn't give me one, and I figured, if I could do nothing else, at least this would be a way to protect you like you, like you have always protected me. Kate Beckett's final act.

"So I did it. I hate it. I hate not having you. I hate what my life has become. I want this to be over but, until today, I thought I would never be able to see you again. So what would be the point of anything else, of starting over again when this is done? I told you I would die if I lost you, and it's true." She sniffs, not bothering to wipe away the tears flowing freely by now. She's can't stop them anyway. "I have died a little more every day since I lost you."

She looks down and heaves a couple of breaths, trying to regain some semblance of control. Rick squeezes her hand softly, and at his tender touch she feels herself both coming more unglued and finding strength to keep going. Eventually she manages to meet his eyes again. "I love you, Rick," she says softly, "so much. And I am _so_ sorry I hurt you so terribly. But when you leave here," she pauses at the sharp pain in her chest that thought causes, "please know it was only because of how much I love you. I could never have let you suffer those consequences because of my stupidity."

With an effort that nearly breaks her, she extricates her hand from his and stands up. Letting her eyes take all of him in one more time, she just manages to whisper, "Good-bye, Rick," before turning to walk away.

It takes Rick a few seconds to process what's happening. When he does, however, he jumps up, propelling himself after her. She's only gone a few steps, so in the next moment he's grabbed her hand again, and plants his feet. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where you going?" he demands. "I'm not letting you say goodbye."

Kate stares at him open-mouthed, before stammering, "I…I didn't…what? I thought…how could you want anything to do with me after…after everything, all the pain I've caused you? You said it yourself, Rick. I let you think I was dead. I let you grieve for me."

He nods, and despite her words his agreement with them makes her heart clench. "You're right, Kate. You were dead, and that hurt. More than I can say. All the time." She expects him to let go of her, but instead he shifts to stand even closer to her, reaching out to brush a strand of hair from her face. "But you're here. You're alive, and I've found you again." He smiles. "And there is no way I'm letting you out of my sight this time."

The fresh tears he sees pooling in her eyes startle him enough to give him pause. Suddenly, scenarios he hadn't even considered before start running through his mind. He's being presumptuous. He hasn't seen her in 2 years - maybe she's moved on. He didn't think, but she said it herself, she hadn't thought she would see him again. She could have a new boyfriend, or even a child by now. He wouldn't know.

He snatches his hand back from her face like he'd been burned, barely registering that his other hand still held hers. "Oh my God, Kate," he says, "I'm sorry. Is there, I mean do you have a boyfriend or a husband now?"

Her shock at his sudden panic immediately softens to affection on hearing his frantic backpedaling. "Oh no, Rick," she rushes out, wanting to reassure him of this immediately, "God, no. There is no one else. There couldn't be. I told you, you're my one and done." It's a risk, but she adds, "Always." She smiles up at him tentatively, and is relieved when he relaxes and grins back at her softly, his hand coming back up to her cheek, before sliding to her hair and down to her neck.

"Then I think we're overdue for this," he murmurs, pulling her close and tilting his head to kiss her, hoping that she can feel in that moment both his joy and his forgiveness.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hello everyone! Thank you all so much for your continued support. Here is the next chapter. Hope you like it!**

* * *

It has been 746 days since Rick had last woken up next to his wife. He'd forgotten how it felt, the contentment that washes over him when he opens his eyes to see the love of his life only inches away from him, peacefully asleep, but so, so alive. He looks at her cheeks, stained by the tears she had shed yesterday afternoon and last night. The worst of which had come when she lifted his shirt and saw her wedding ring on the chain around his neck. Of course, she'd immediately known the significance of that. She had done the same thing with her mother's ring. It's a symbol of loss, love lost, and Rick had put that symbol around his neck to be reminded always about the loss in his life. She'd immediately begun to weep.

Rick hadn't thought about her seeing it, caught up in the moment as he was, but as soon as he saw her face crumple, he'd pulled her to him and held her tightly until she had calmed. When she finally had, he took off the chain, removed the ring, and slipped it back on to her left hand ring finger. It was a bittersweet moment, because in a way, Kate Beckett is still lost. Her death may have been faked, but the AG's office had gone above and beyond setting her up with this new life. Whatever he calls her, she is Joanna Rogers now. But that doesn't matter. In his heart, if not in writing, she is still his wife, his always. His putting the ring on her finger, where it belongs, seemed to have comforted her, because she fell asleep soon after and has been sleeping ever since.

With a soft kiss to her forehead, Rick slides out of bed, moving out to the living area to order room service. They had come to the hotel room he was staying at instead of going to her apartment, wanting the guaranteed privacy that afforded. She had teased him about the door to the adjoining room, asking if he was expecting company. As he'd explained to her, this room was all they had left, and he was too tired and distracted to look for another hotel. He's hoping to check out today, that they could head over to her apartment, but for now he would get their breakfast and coffee ready, her cup made just the way he knows she loves. If he closes his eyes he might even believe it's just like they're back home.

It's not long before there's a soft tap at the door, and Rick barely has enough time to set the delivered food out on the small table before his wife is awoken by the aroma. "Good Morning," she greets him, a shy smile on her face that he adores, and always has since that first morning after they were together.

"Good morning," he returns, then gestures to their breakfast. "Coffee and waffles just the way you like them. How are you feeling?"

"Good," she replies with a nod. "Rested. You?"

He grins. "I'm good. I enjoyed waking up next to you."

Her smile widens a little and she blushes. Rick has always been able to make her do that. It had infuriated her at first, but now she loves him all the more for it. She walks over, straight to him, and wraps her arms around his neck before kissing him gently, reveling in the sensation as he responds. She hopes it might be the first good morning kiss of the rest of their lives. But she also knows that's getting ahead of herself. Despite all he said yesterday, there are still questions. Even if the AG's Office allows him to stay with her, and that's a big if, would he be willing to do it? Because she knows they won't let her walk away. Her end of the bargain isn't fulfilled, and the way things are going it might not be for a while. Would he really be willing to walk away from his life in the States? For the wife that lied to him and left him grieving?

She shakes the thoughts away. For now, there is breakfast with her husband, a small luxury that she hasn't had in nearly two years. She is determined to enjoy what she can.

They eat breakfast in silence, but it isn't uncomfortable. Neither is quite ready for the inevitable discussion of "Where do we go from here?" Sitting together peacefully, joined hands between them, is enough for the moment.

Eventually, though, Rick breaks the quiet. "I'm going to go get a shower," he tells her, "and then we can…talk." Kate nods, giving him a smile she hopes conceals the nervousness she feels, then lets go of his hand as he gets up, walks into the bathroom and shuts the door. She stands when she hears the water running, and clears the dishes before grabbing her purse and digging through, pulling a hair tie and small brush out to try and tame her long locks.

When Rick emerges and sees her looking ready to leave, his face falls. He schools his features quickly, however, too quickly for Kate to reassure him. "Are you headed to your place?" he asks.

 _Are you headed to your place?_ You, not we. Despite everything, Kate can't help but take that as an indicator that he doesn't want to come. That he's rethinking his declaration not to let her out of his sight. So she simply nods, not trusting her voice not to crack if she uses it.

Rick purses his lips, then takes a step closer. "Can I join you?"

The brilliant smile she gives him when he asks that lights her whole face up, stealing Rick's breath away and dissolving his worry in an instant. He hasn't seen that smile since, well, he thinks it was probably before LockSat. "I was hoping you would want to," she replies.

* * *

They walk out of the hotel hand in hand. They aren't even halfway to her place, though, before the question that has been bouncing around Kate's head since she first laid eyes on Rick yesterday finally gets the better of her. She gives his hand a soft tug. "You never answered my question yesterday," she tells him.

Rick glances sideways at her. "Which one?"

"How did you find me?"

Her tone is light and curious, but Rick knows she's serious about wanting the answer. After all, if he found her, how safe is her cover, really? He sighs and begins his story. "Paula sent me some fan mail to try and cheer me up."

She looks over at him. He doesn't have to say anything for her to know why he needed cheering, and it kills her. She tightens her grip on his hand, trying to convey to him that she's here, solid and real and alive.

"After reading many of them I stumbled across one from France and I… I just knew. I knew it was from you."

She smiles at that. She had promised Karen he wouldn't know, but she should have realized - of course he would know. He knows _her_. She leans her head onto his shoulder as they keep walking and Rick continues his story.

"Unfortunately, no one else believed me. I went to see Ryan. He's the new captain of the 12th, by the way."

"I actually knew that," Kate responds. "I tried to keep tabs on everyone back home. I knew Ryan got the promotion, and that Espo went on to the ESU team. I found out about both Lanie and Alexis getting married. I just never could find anything about you," she concludes sadly.

Rick nods, acknowledging her comment, but opts not to answer her unasked question for the moment. "Well, Ryan didn't believe me," he says. "And there was no way I was going to convince him without some more solid evidence, so I had to find help elsewhere. So I went and saw Hayley." His mouth twists into a wry smile. "I don't think she believed me, either, but she was willing to try and help just to placate me. And it worked." Rick's smile turns genuine as he looks at her and wiggles his eyebrows. Kate can't help but laugh.

"Hayley had a contact at MI-5," he goes on, "and he knew of a beautiful, tall brunette operative that was new to the French scene. We figured it had to be you." Rick suddenly sobers. "But it almost stopped right there. Even though her contact knew your name, he wasn't willing to give it up. Hayley kept trying to change his mind, though. And I guess whatever she said worked, because a few minutes after disconnecting the call she got a text with a name on it. Johanna Rogers."

Kate nods against his shoulder, squeezing his arm. "I thought it would be a way to remember why I was here. I knew I wanted to show respect to my mom, since it all started with her. But I also knew I always wanted to be close to you, and I decided taking your original last name would let me do that, in some small way."

"It's my name again" Rick says, grinning at the surprise on her face when she looks up at him. "A few months ago, I changed my name back to Richard Rogers. Castle is still my pen name, of course, but I'm going by Rogers again. Who knew, huh?" he muses.

Kate chuckles, then echoes him. "Who knew?"

"So," Rick continues, "after we got your name we went back to see Ryan, and this time he believed you were alive. We got Vikram involved. After reminding him the debt he owed you, we got him to help by hacking into the AG's system. He found out you were working out of Paris but living in this area. He couldn't pinpoint you, but it didn't matter. I was on the next flight to Barcelona. Putting my detective skills to work" Rick says with a wink, "I was able to track you down. I followed you to the coffee shop and, well, here we are."

Kate seems to grow pensive as they round the corner and enter her building. "Are you okay?" Rick asks worriedly. "Are you worried about me finding you?"

"Of course I'm worried about you finding me," she snaps, and it's harsher than she intended. "I'm sorry," she apologizes immediately. "I just…" she waits until they are in the elevator and the doors close, leaving them alone. She stares at his chest, reaching out to fiddle with his shirt button. "I am worried about blowing this assignment, about them finding out that you're here and arresting you, or doing something even worse, I don't know." She raises her eyes to his, and he's only a little surprised to see them bright with unshed tears. "But I'm also worried you'll leave. And I… I don't want you to. I couldn't… not now." She pulls her hand away and steps back suddenly. "Not unless you want to go."

He steps forward, following her and then pulling her into his arms. "I'm not going anywhere, Kate," he says, and he wonders how many times he'll have to say it before she believes it.

As they enter her apartment, she turns and kisses him again. She can never get enough of this man, she thinks. She just has to finish this assignment so she can get on with her life with him. Easier said than done.

"My turn for the shower," she tells him. "Make yourself at home."

Half an hour later Kate emerges looking like a new woman. Actually, Rick thinks, looking like the hot detective he first fell in love with so many years ago. _Or is this Johanna?_ Whoever she is, she seems dressed to go somewhere.

"Going out?" he asks.

Kate gives him a tight smile, but saunters up to him, then wraps her arms around his neck. "I'm sorry," she tells him, "but I have to meet Karen"

"Karen?"

"She's my handler, and," she pauses, "and she's my friend. My only friend here. She's the one that actually sent you my letter."

"Well then," Rick replies with a twinkle in his eye, "I would like to meet her sometime and thank her for saving my life."

Kate chuckles, but sobers quickly. "Will you stay here until I get back?" she asks, then rushes on, "We still need to talk, to figure out where we go from here, and…"

"Kate," he interrupts, only just resisting the urge to kiss her into silence. "I'll be right here when you return." And then he does kiss her, because, well, how could he not?

She reluctantly pulls back and heads for the door. She stops with her hand on the doorknob and looks back at him. "One hour," she says.

"One hour."

* * *

With Kate gone Rick decides to send updates to those he'd left behind. With the time difference, it's unlikely any of them will be awake, but he could send quick emails letting them know he was safe. Martha and Alexis didn't yet know that he was searching for Kate, only that he had gone overseas. He'd told them it was just to get away for a bit. His messages to them, therefore, are just to tell them he is okay and to send them his love. For Ryan and Hayley, he includes a note that says he's found what he was looking for. He doesn't elaborate, not entirely trusting the AG's office not to be keeping an eye on his email account. But his friends will understand what he means.

It doesn't take him long to finish sending his messages, however. And being alone in Kate's apartment with nothing to do, his curiosity quickly takes over. He'd missed nearly 2 years of her life. Time to see what he had missed.

What he finds, however, makes him wish he hadn't gone looking. Not because there's anything shocking among her pictures and possessions, but because there was a distinct lack of them, at least, the personal kind. She has no art, nothing to remind her of home. She has a picture of her father on her desk, one that looks copied. Of course, she never would have been able to go home and get the original. And when he makes his way into her bedroom, the photo on the nightstand next to her bed makes him freeze. There, in a frame, facing her as she went to sleep every night, is a picture of him. He forces his feet forward and picks it up. He recognizes the photo. It's from his last book, Driving Heat. A tear spatters onto the glass over the photo before he realizes he's started crying. But he knows, _he knows_ , how she's felt. He's been desperately lonely and sad all this time, and he still had so many things to remember her by. All she's had was a copied picture from a book. He sets the frame down and looks around, taking the apartment in with a new understanding of its occupant. The place feels sterile. It's not a home. It's a place to sleep at. Johanna has been out there all this time, working to bring down a drug ring. But Kate, the real Kate, had died that day in the loft. Or at least, she hadn't continued living, not really, not in this place.

* * *

Rick's rummaging around in the kitchen for something to make for lunch later when he hears the latch on the door click. He closes the cupboard as she steps inside. He can see, as soon as their eyes meet, the relief in hers. He supposes she was anxious about whether he would still be there. But he had promised, so of course he was.

He pulls her over to the couch and greets her with a kiss before she can even say hello. After she settles back against him and he has his arms wrapped around her, Rick asks how her meeting went.

"Okay," she says. "Routine check in. I didn't tell her you're here," she adds, glancing up at him worriedly. "I don't know what she'll do. There's a chance she'll be loyal to me and not say anything, but I don't know. I don't want to take the chance of them taking you away from me, not this soon."

"I understand," Rick agrees, dropping a kiss on top of her head. And he does. He's definitely not ready to make his presence known yet.

Besides, being unknown for the moment, maybe he can help on the back end. "So tell me about your case," he says. "How's it going?"

So she gives him the rundown. Everything from her first briefing with Karen to her meetings with Ortiz. "They told me it would take a long time to get this done," she says as she finishes her synopsis. "I had no idea how right they were. It's like being stuck in quicksand. It took over a year and a half for us to get any traction whatsoever. We didn't even have a name. Finally, after basically bribing Ortiz, he let slip who his boss was. It's just an alias, though."

"At least it's something," Rick reasoned. "So what's the name he gave you?"

"Walter Thoms," Kate answers absently, her mind too focused on sifting out answers to notice Rick freeze at her reply. "But he's supposed to be ex-CIA, and there's no record of anyone of that name ever working for them or any other department for that matter. There are some random hits on his name here and there over the last 10 years, but everything is just so vague." Kate sighs. "I'm not sure what else I can do, so it's become this hurry up and wait thing for me now." It's then that she notices Rick's lack of response, and when she finally looks and sees his expression, she sits up quickly.

"Rick?" He blinks and faces her, his features softening, but he still has a strange look in his eyes. "Rick, what is it?"

He swallows. "Kate," he says slowly, "I know that name."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: So, I do apologize for the very long wait. Hopefully a new chapter with plenty of plot will help make up for it? Thank you, as always, to everyone who has supported this story through the sporadic updates. Your comments, favorites, and follows, are very appreciated!**

* * *

"You what?" Kate asked. She'd heard him, of course. But Rick supposed she was shocked. He knew he was.

"I know that name," he repeated.

"How? From where?"

Rick shook his head. "I don't know. I can't place it." He got up to pace, his hand going to the back of his neck, frustration showing in every movement. He'd heard the name Walter Thoms before. He'd noted it enough to remember it, it must have been important at the time. It definitely was now. But he couldn't pull up in his memory anything surrounding that name. It was almost like…

Kate's voice snapped him from his thoughts. "Do you remember if it was recent at all? Or maybe further back? Before we met?" He could almost feel her leaning on him. "Anything will help, Rick."

"Don't you think I know that?" Rick snaps, then saw his wife's subtle retreat. Not scared, but hurt. He sighed and stopped pacing to turn towards her. "I'm not holding anything back," he told her.

Her expression turned sympathetic. "I know, Rick," she said softly.

"I'm just as frustrated as you are."

"I know."

"I just need…I need time to think, to try to remember."

She nodded. "Of course," she says, giving him a smile, small but genuine. "We'll figure it out. We always do." Then she turns hesitant. "But when we do…" she exhales slowly. "I should go back and see Karen. I think… when we do figure it out we'll need her help."

Rick grimaced but nodded. "Agreed. I hate to take the risk, your reasons earlier still stand. But if there's a chance…"

He didn't finish, and Kate stepped toward him to kiss him before stepping back and turning back to the door, phone in hand.

"Wait," Rick said. When she looked back at him, he added, "Take my keycard, I'll get another one from the front desk. I'm gonna take a walk, get some air." Her eyes look worried, and he gives her a grin, trying to reassure her, trying to tell her that everything will be alright. That _they_ would be alright, for years to come. She walks back over to him and takes the keycard. What he doesn't expect is for her to pull him to her and kiss him again. But this time, there is so much more passion and desperation, he's almost overwhelmed.

And despite their shared worry, when she steps out the door, they're both more content than either had been in over 746 days.

* * *

It's not long before Rick realizes that racking his brain isn't helping. He's not going to remember without more information or some sort of trigger. Fresh air, that's what he needed. Walking back to his hotel would give him that.

Rick is a writer. He's never had the formal law enforcement or CIA training as the people he's been associated with in the last several years. But he is smart. He has a talent for finding the story and a knack for solving puzzles. And he learns from his experiences. He can tell now, less than a block away from the hotel, without having to look around, that someone is following him. It's an instinct more than anything, and he has no idea who it would be - no one should know he's here. He keeps pace, surreptitiously checking window reflections in an attempt to identify his stalker, but it doesn't do any good.

Upon entering the hotel, he makes a detour to the lobby bar instead of heading straight to his room. Requesting a Scotch on the rocks, he leans against the counter casually, surveying the room, hoping his tail had followed him in. He's drained his glass by the time he gives up. He recognizes no one, and if it's someone from the AG's Office, they'd have showed themselves by now.

He makes a quick stop at the front desk for a second key, then takes the stairs one floor up to his suite. He steps in with a sigh, turning on the lights, then startles at the sight before him.

"Jenkins?"

"Shut the door, Rick," says the man sitting in front of him - CIA Agent Henry Jenkins, Rick's handler during his time in Thailand. Not a person Rick expected to see today. There's a gun in his hand, casually laying on the armrest of the chair he occupies.

Rick does as he's told, and once the door is closed, the man stands up and points the gun straight at him. Rick's breathe hitches, but it's not completely out of fear. The movement triggers a memory, and he blinks a few times in response.

"You're remembering, aren't you?" Jenkins murmurs.

Rick can't quite place the scene. He doesn't know where they were exactly or who Jenkins was pointing the gun at back then, but he can hear the words clearly. _"Tell your boss that Walter Thoms is making this request personally, and remind him that he is indebted to me."_

"You," Rick says. "You're Walter Thoms."

Jenkins smirks. "One of many aliases," he admits. "But we'll get back to that. Have a seat."

Rick does so warily, watching Jenkins' trigger finger closely. He's pretty sure the gun's safety is off right now.

"So then, tell me, what are you doing here, Rick?" The question started casually enough, but became menacing by the end.

Rick shrugs. "Oh you know, I was bored. Thought I'd start doing some traveling. Barcelona seemed as good a place to start as any."

A backhanded hit across the face stops him from adding anything else. "Don't lie to me!" Jenkins growled. "This is no coincidence. Your wife was killed, and I know you, Rick. You've been digging. You came here looking for answers."

A little blood slips from the corner of Rick's mouth, but that was all that was coming from his lips. Not a word.

Jenkins backs up a step, taking a breath and giving the appearance of trying to be patient. "What do you remember about Walter Thoms, Rick?"

Rick remains silent.

"Look, you're not walking out of here," Jenkins says, "It's just a question of how much you suffer before I kill you."

"I don't know anything," Rick finally replies. "But I think I can figure it out. You can tell me if I'm hot or cold."

"Still need to know the story, Rick?

"I'm a writer."

The CIA agent chuckles. "Sure, why not?" He takes a seat across from Rick. "Even if you don't get to write this one."

"Mason Wood was just a figurehead," Rick begins. "LockSat was never destroyed."

Jenkins gives him a feral smile. "No, he wasn't."

"He. So LockSat _is_ a person."

"Warmer."

"You're LockSat," Rick says flatly. Jenkins gives him a subtle bow. "Caleb Brown wasn't acting on revenge, or carrying out some failsafe. He was following your orders."

"It was really killing two birds with one stone," acknowledges Jenkins. "The New York branch of my organization needed a major overhaul. You two taking them out actually made my life easier. The only real downside was that Caleb didn't finish you off along with your wife."

It's the second time he's mentioned it, and that gives Rick just a ray of hope and relief. Jenkins does not know about Kate. He has no idea she's alive and living here under a different name. And it will stay that way if he has anything to do with it.

"That wasn't the first time you tried to kill me though, was it?" Rick continues. "You were the one that shot me back in L.A., weren't you?"

Jenkins gives him a pitying look. "You moved just at the last moment," he answers. "We really couldn't have you looking into LockSat with all those memories buried in your head somewhere. You're wife kept you at the bottom of my priority list, freezing you out like she did. Not a move I expected, but it bought you a little time before you had to be eliminated."

"Well thanks for that," Rick ground out. So Kate really had protected him, even if he doesn't like how she did that. "And I take it you let me live after Kate died since I wasn't investigating anymore.

"I needed it to look like LockSat was gone. Going after you again would have raised questions. But yes, just like now, your investigating makes you a risk, and that means I can't let you live."

Rick casts about desperately for anything to delay Jenkins' final move. He knows that the CIA agent may look at ease, but he will be quick with his gun should Rick make any attempt to fight. No other ideas have come to him yet, so all he has is stalling and bluffing.

"One more thing," Rick insists, when Jenkins stands again. The other man raises an eyebrow, prompting him. "I was careful. I thought I was tracking leftovers of LockSat. I kept a low profile. How did you know I was here, that I was after you?"

Jenkins rolls his eyes. "I still don't think you understand just how far my reach extends, Rick." He shakes his head. "My contacts at the airport told me you had arrived. Do you really think I'd see that as coincidence?" He goes on before Rick can reply. "It took a little while to figure out where you checked in, but afterwards it was only a matter of watching the hotel until you came back from wherever you'd gone last night."

Rick grimaces. He knew there'd been someone following him. But Jenkins must have bypassed the lobby somehow to get to his room while Rick had been sipping his Scotch.

Jenkins checks his watch. "And unfortunately, that's all the time we have. It's been nice catching up with you, Rick, but unfortunately, I have other business to attend to today." He raised the gun and Rick tenses, frantically trying to come up with some way, to stay alive.

A knock at the adjoining door breaks the moment, making Jenkins pause. Rick doesn't take his eyes from the other man, but listens attentively to the voice that comes from the other side of the door.

"Oh Richard. It's Svetlana. I want to do more exploring with you Richard."

It's obviously a woman, and the accent is Russian, but while it confuses Jenkins, the voice gives Rick a surge of hope even as he tries to think of a way to keep the voice's owner safe.

"Who's that?" Jenkins asks, surprised.

Rick gives him his best blush. "A woman I met on the flight over. We did some uh, exploring, last night, and, well, uh, I guess she's back."

"Richard, hurry up." The woman's tone is playful, but Rick can detect the slight note of pleading and fear that is in it.

Jenkins huffs. "Tell her to come in here," he commands.

"No! I'm not going to let you kill her, too."

Jenkins walks over to the door, keeping his gun aimed at Rick, but finds it locked from the other side. He strides back over to Rick and puts his gun straight against his head. His voice comes out as a low growl. "Tell her to open the door."

Rick closes his eyes. He _will not_ let Jenkins kill the woman he knows that voice belongs to. But he also knows her. He knows she's smart. He knows she has a plan. He knows she's going to come in after him whether he tries to stop her or not. And he believes in her.

His eyes snap open. "Svetlana," he calls, "unlock the door for me and I'll be over in just a moment."

* * *

The gun is eased away from his head as Jenkins moves back toward the door, waiting for the lock to be turned.

Neither man sees Kate enter the room. They watch the adjoining room door she was just on the other side of as she uses her keycard to slip quietly through the front door. She steps in at the ready, her weapon pulled and silenced. Rick seems to sense her presence, his eyes dart over to her, but he makes no move, gives Jenkins no indication that he's noticed anything. The CIA agent has his back to her, and he looks between Rick and the door.

"Say it again," Jenkins demands. "Tell her to come in here this time."

"Looking for me?" Kate uses her best Russian accent. It really has proved useful over the years.

Jenkins swings around, his gun swiveling in her direction, but Kate doesn't give him a chance to use it. _Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!_ She fires off 4 rounds, the sound of each sharp in her ears despite the silencer, and they all hit their target.

She stares at the man where he falls, but it's only a moment later when the gun is pulled from her hand and she is swept up by Rick in a fierce hug. She responds immediately and enthusiastically, holding onto him as tightly as she could and pressing her face into his shoulder. The sense of relief is overwhelming.

Her husband pulls back first and looks back at the man on the floor. "Henry Jenkins, Walter Thoms, and LockSat," he says, letting the names sink in for her.

"It's over," she murmurs, feeling slightly dazed, but then she shakes herself out of it and grabs Rick's hand. "We need to get out of here. The AG team will be here soon. Get your stuff and let's go."

* * *

5 minutes later, Kate is leading Rick out the back door. He waits until they're outside and halfway back to her apartment before asking the question. "How did you know?"

"I didn't," Kate replies, shaking her head. "Not at first. I was headed to meet Karen when I decided instead to just call her and have her meet up with both of us back at your hotel. We both arrived there about the same time, and I was starting to tell her we were meeting with you, but then I spotted Jenkins. I knew his being there couldn't be coincidence, and he was going around the back of the hotel. I made Karen get the hotel to give us the master key and then told her to call for backup. Then I came after you."

Rick squeezes her hand. If Jenkins hadn't been the one she was chasing, her cover would have been blown by doing something like that, and the AG's Office would have been furious. And she'd come to rescue him anyway. "And where's Karen now?" he asks.

"I texted her, she's handling the cleanup crew. I told her you were with me."

Rick nods, then starts telling her what happened in the hotel room. "He thought you were dead," he says at the end. "He thought I was the only one chasing him. You're in the clear, Kate." He stops and pulls her around to face him. "It's over. It's really over this time."

She isn't as sure as he is about that. LockSat may be over, but she doubts everything from the past 3 years will disappear overnight. However, when she looks up and sees him looking at her the way he is, she decides to believe it. "I know," she whispers. "We can finally get our life back." She feels tears in her eyes that aren't falling as she smiles at her husband. He pulls her close and kisses her, and she responds with everything she has.

Whatever comes next, she vows, she will not give Rick up ever again.

* * *

 **A/N: This isn't over, there are still a couple of chapters left. Thanks for reading!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello. I am so sorry for this delay, but real life got in the way and this was just pushed aside. I have finished, and all that's left is one more chapter and the epilogue after that. I will be posting both immediately. Thank you to those who have stuck with me, and all your feedback on the last chapter. Hope you like how this gets wrapped up!**

* * *

They manage to put off going to the AG's office until the next day. Rick is happy about that, as it gives them time to just enjoy their victory. Despite what he said to Kate earlier, he knows that there are still obstacles to get past, but he's happy to put those off for just a little longer.

He knows, though, after he wakes up next to his wife for the second morning in a row, that they can't avoid it forever. He finally broaches the subject after breakfast.

"So, what's next, Kate?"

She purses her lips, thinking, then says, "I'm going to have to meet with Karen and get debriefed. I'll have to explain everything, including you. In fact, I'm thinking you'll have to be there, too. Then I would imagine they'll want us both to go to Paris to meet with Bane and his bosses." She pauses, meeting Rick's eyes. "You ok with that?"

"I'm fine with that part," Rick answers, then gathers his resolve. "But Kate, you and I need to talk, first."

She tenses, but nods, giving him a weak but genuine smile. "I know," she says.

Rick looks down at his coffee, measuring his words. He never thought that he would be about to say what he was. But the last two years had been hell, for both of them, and he only sees one way to prevent something similar from happening again. Because Kate will always lose herself in her cases, and he will always lose himself trying to follow her and keep her safe. One of them has to break the cycle. It will be up to her as to which of them it will be.

"Please hear me out before you respond," he tells her. "Will you do that?"

Kate's expression is tinged with worry and sadness, but she still agrees. "Of course."

Rick's hand twitches, wanting to reach out to her, but knowing he won't be able to get through saying this if he touches her. "I am so glad I found you," he says, his smile tender and his eyes soft. "You have no idea how happy I am you are alive. Losing you, I wasn't completely sure how I could move on, that it was even worth it. But you're here. You're safe. And I want nothing more than for us to have a future together."

Rick stops, swallowing down a lump of emotion and rallying himself for his next words. "But I need to know that I can trust you, that I count on you being there. I watched the light leave your eyes the day of Montgomery's funeral. I watched you all but toss your life aside going after Cole Maddox. I watched you leave our marriage with no real explanation, letting me think it was my fault. And then I watched you lie next to me, both of us shot and bleeding out, and for two years that was the last memory I had of the love of my life.

"And I know, _I know_ I disappeared and put you through hell for three months, and couldn't even give you an explanation when I got back because I couldn't remember. I'm the one who encouraged you to go after your mother's killer in the first place. And I will never regret all the good we have done, and all the years of being your partner, in work and in life."

He pauses to take a deep breath, then looks straight into her eyes. He sees tears in her eyes that he is sure mirror his own. "All those times before, I always believed, somewhere deep down, that you would come back to me. But after that day in the loft, when you didn't…" His breath hitches, and she puts her hand on his. He had thought that would weaken his resolve, but as always, she gives him strength. "I can't do that again, Kate, I just can't. You're alive, and safe, and while I want more, I can live with that. But I can't live with the worry over your next case, your next rabbit hole, the next time you get shot and don't come home to me. So I need you to make a choice. I need you to choose me, choose us, instead of this. Instead of your job. I…I am asking you to leave law enforcement, to start a family with me."

Despite telling Rick she'd wait for him to finish, Kate has to respond to this. "You want me to give up my career?"

Rick sighs. "Look how much you've given up _for_ your career already. I know all this, you going undercover here wasn't your choice, but everything before that… how much more, Kate?"

She can't find a response to that.

"I want a chance to start a new life with you, Kate," Rick tells her. "And I want you to have a chance to have something your mother never had."

This peaked her curiosity. "What's that?"

"Grandchildren."

The word makes her freeze. It was a thought she'd never even considered before. Before LockSat, she'd been warming up to the idea of starting a family with Rick, but what he said was true. Her mother had pursued what she knew to be a dangerous case, and she was killed for that decision. Kate lost her mother way too young, and her father lost his wife and nearly himself. She didn't believe her mother's choice was wrong, and she didn't regret the justice she'd brought to so many families throughout her career as a detective, but was it worth it to continue on? The people she loved had been forced to sacrifice more than most cop's families did because of how many risks she'd been willing to take. But could she really give up something that was so much a part of her?

"And what if I say I can't do that?" she asks. "That I don't want to give up my career."

Rick smiles sadly. He turns his hand over and takes hers, giving it a squeeze. "I really want you to choose us. But if you can't, or won't, then we can part ways here in Barcelona. I know you're safe, and doing what you need to do, and that's enough for me. And maybe it's selfish, but I just, I can't stay and watch you continue living like this, the lies, the secrets, the constantly risking your life. I will go home, Katherine Beckett will be gone, and whoever ends up with Joanna Rogers on their payroll, well, they could ask for no one better."

He left her with a kiss on the forehead and headed into the bedroom to get dressed.

Ten minutes later he turns to find her standing in the doorway. When he sees her, she steps forward, but stays out of his reach, her face stoic, not giving anything away. He always hated playing poker with her. All those years interrogating suspects, she had learned to school her features well.

"You know, it really wasn't that hard of a decision."

Rick holds his breath, fearing the worst and hoping for the best.

"I love you, Rick," she says, but doesn't move any closer, and he thinks this might just be good-bye. "And I'm only here because of that love. Because I wanted you safe."

Now she does move towards him, reaching for his hand. "You were the one who stood by me when I was standing on that bomb. You were the one who helped me bring down Bracken. You were the one to help me bring down Caleb Brown and Mason Wood. And I am sorry, so sorry, for the lies and deception. It was part of the job, part of my job. I don't mean that to sound like an excuse. It's just the reality of the situation. It is what it is."

She looks down and shakes her head, before looking back up at him. "But things change. Reality changes, and I'm changing with it. All I've wanted these last two years was to have you back, to have us back. I have always loved my job, but you're right, I have sacrificed so much, too much, for it, when the reality is… that it's just a job. You're my life, Rick. At least I want you to be. I want our family to be. There's no question where I belong. I choose you, Rick."

He can't help but pull her to him as soon as the last words are out of her mouth. And while they hold each other, she whispers into his ear. "I'll always choose you."


	10. Chapter 10

**Just the epilogue to go!**

* * *

They have a 10:00am flight to Paris, and it's at the airport where Rick finally meets Karen.

She has a smile on her face when she introduces herself. "So you must be Rick?"

Rick returns her smile and shakes the woman's hand. "Pleased to meet you. By the way, thank you."

"For what?" Karen asked.

"For taking care of her. Making sure she stayed safe."

There's no question who he's referring to. Karen nods graciously and looks over at Joanna, or Kate, she's not sure which it is right now. "That was the least I could do. And we've become a pretty good team, her and I."

They're in a quiet corner, and so Karen seems to feel it secure enough to continue. "We got Thoms taken care of. In the CIA, he goes by Henry Jenkins, but who knows what his real name was. We're still digging. Joanna tells me you were instrumental in figuring this all out, Rick?"

"It was the least I could do," Rick replies, parroting her. "It's my fault this all got as far as it did, after all."

"Well, it's over now," Karen states.

"Is it?" This from Joanna, who's been quiet thus far.

"We have to meet Bane and Korrell at the embassy in Paris," Karen says, "but I would think that would be the end of it."

"Do you think I will get my immunity in writing today, then?"

"I don't see why not. LockSat is finished. You fulfilled your part of the deal. Once both of you are debriefed, you should be free to go live your life."

* * *

"Nice work, Ms. Rogers" Nick Bane congratulates her as they sit down at a conference table. Karen hadn't accompanied them into the debriefing, so it's just Bane, Terry Korrell, Rick, and Joanna.

"Three years," Terry Korrell continues, "and we finally have shut LockSat completely down. Well done."

"Thank you, sirs," Joanna replies. She doesn't wait for him to continue, however, going right to her main concern, cold determination written on her face. "I've held up my end of the deal. When do I get my immunity agreement in writing?"

"Mr. Castle," Bane turns toward him, ignoring Joanna's question, "what are you doing here? More importantly, why are you here? You should never have come. You jeopardized the entire operation."

Rick's jaw tightens, but he answers evenly. "I came looking for answers to my wife's death."

Korrell doesn't seem to share his partner's animosity toward Rick. "Well, fortunately, everything worked out. We understand you were actually helpful in finishing this."

"I could have been more helpful and finished this a lot sooner if you had involved me from the beginning," Rick can't help but say.

"Joanna," Bane switches his attention back to her again, "we have another assignment for you. It's based here in Paris."

"Seriously?" Joanna asks, her anger making her voice tight. "You are kidding me, right? The arrangement was that I help you take LockSat down, and I'd be free to leave, with immunity. That's our deal. I'm going home."

"No. I'm sorry, you're not," Bane answers, though he looks anything but sorry. "Quite frankly, you are too valuable an asset for us to let go of. We need you with us." Bane tries to stare her down, but when she meets his gaze steadily, he continues. "We hope that you will join us voluntarily, but if not, well, I'm sure you'll be persuaded. After all, there is no statute of limitations on murder."

And then she sees him smirk. Actually smirk. Wrong thing to do. She opens her mouth, preparing to unleash what might have been the greatest tirade of her career, but Rick beats her to it.

"Agent Bane," he says. "Perhaps you'd like to re-evaluate your position."

Bane looks at him uncomprehendingly, so Rick leans forward and explains.

"Joanna has completed her assignment. In return she is owed her freedom to live her life. If she is not allowed that opportunity…" Rick takes out his phone and turns the screen on, then flips it around to show them what he has, "then this document will be released to two dozen media outlets and blogs across the United States and Europe." He slides the phone across the table to the arrogant agent waiting to read it. "I'm sure the information will only spread from there.

"What is this?" Bane asks.

"Well, let me give you the Reader's Digest version" Rick says with a smirk of his own. "I received a tip that the Office of the Attorney General was engaged in a covert mission operating on foreign soil. I investigated and found out that it was true. But even worse was the fact that this operation was directed at a sister agency, resulting in the assassination of a CIA agent in Barcelona, Spain. All of this was done without the cooperation or even the consent or knowledge of the governments of either Spain or France, where the operation was based out of."

Rick pauses for a moment while Bane and Korrell digest the information. "I wonder what Congress will say about two agencies under the direction of the President of the United States being involved in all this, especially when the pursuer shouldn't even be operating outside US jurisdiction."

It's Korrell who resigns first. "What do you want?"

"I think you know."

"There is no way we are letting her leave," Bane interjects. "She's too valuable. Our country, _her_ country needs her."

Rick looks at Joanna and she doesn't hesitate. "My _family_ needs me."

Silence settles over the room for a moment before Rick speaks again. "You have exactly," he looks at his watch, "22 minutes for her signed immunity grant to be in front of us or this document will be automatically uploaded to the media outlets I mentioned. By breakfast tomorrow this will be all over the morning news and talk shows across the country. Your decision."

"You can't do this," Bane all but snarls. "It's against the law and we will have you imprisoned immediately."

"It's called freedom of the press. An exposé of the corruption in our government. Happens all the time." Rick smiles serenely. "21 minutes."

Korrell, at least, seems to know when he's been beaten. "I'll put in the call," he concedes.

As he rises, beckoning Bane to follow, Rick demands his attention once more. "And by the way," he tells them, meeting their eyes, "I am not the only one who has a copy of this document. If you _ever_ contact or harm either of us, or anyone associated with us, this information will be released immediately."

"Blackmail, Mr. Castle?"

Rick's eyes become steel. "I'm just finishing what you started." A pause. "20 minutes."

* * *

It's with only three minutes to spare that Bane handed the paperwork to Joanna, all the while glaring at Rick. "You can call off your dogs, Mr. Castle."

Rick looks over the grant, then taps a few keys on his phone, before looking back up. "No problem, Agent Bane."

* * *

As they leave the building, Joanna gives Karen a hug. "Thank you for taking care of me, Karen," Joanna tells her. "I wouldn't have made it without you."

"I'm sure you would have been just fine," Karen responds, "but I am glad I got to know you, Joanna. Or is it Kate now?"

The woman in question shrugs. "I think they're both here. They're both me, somehow."

With a promise to stay in touch, and one more quick hug, she turns from Karen and takes Ricks hand, starting the long trip home.

* * *

"Thank you," Kate says, "for having my back with Bane." They had finally reached cruising altitude and settled in for their 9-hour flight to New York. Rick had procured first class tickets, so it meant a bit more privacy, in that at least they didn't have anyone else squished next to them while they talked quietly.

"Of course," Rick replies. "That's what partners are for." He smiles and leans over to give her a kiss. But she doesn't respond as Rick expects. "What's wrong?"

Kate smiles ruefully. "Just thinking," she says. "I have a lot of mending fences to do. Not the least with you." Her hand reaches up to cup his cheek. "You know we've actually been separated now as long as we have been together." His eyes hold a compassion she doesn't feel deserving of and she drops her hand and faces forward. "Rick, I'm sorry," she says, the words sounding strangled even to her.

"Kate." Rick waits until she's looking at him again. "Are you still sure this is what you want? To go back and start a new life together, without chasing criminals?"

She gave a tremulous smile. "Of course I'm sure. I told you Rick, I'm choosing you. I always will."

"Then stop apologizing. We'll fix us. We're well on our way already. And it will be amazing. Whatever else happens, we'll get through it, together."

"Have you thought…" she trails off for a moment, then starts again, "I know I have a lot of work to do to repair the damage I've done with our family and friends, especially with my dad. But after… would you consider leaving New York? Starting a new life with me somewhere… somewhere else?"

"Really?" Rick asks, surprised. "Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know. We have time to decide that later. But I do know that I want it to be new and fresh and so when we start our family, it can be a new beginning with nothing hanging around our neck or lurking around the corner or grabbing us in the night."

Rick just stares at her. He wasn't expecting this request, but he can see it for what it is. She's committed to them, really committed this time. He'll never again have to worry about sharing her with anyone, or anything, else. So he does the only thing he can do, really, and agrees.

"One more thing," she adds after she kisses him again. Rick raises his eyebrows in askance. "This isn't the best place to do this, probably not even the right time, but, Rick, will you marry me? Again?"

It wasn't something he'd planned on. But after his disappearance and her alleged death, maybe they needed to do this. Maybe, like she'd said long ago, the third time's the charm.

"Rick?" Her voice penetrates his thoughts and he realizes he hasn't answered, so he does, in the form of a deep passionate kiss, full of love and hope and promises.

She grabs his hand and squeezes it. "Just think," she says, smiling more widely then she has since he found her again, "I won't even have to change my last name."

This startles him. "What do you mean?"

"Well, Rick Rogers, Joanna Rogers. No need to change the last name."

Rick hadn't even considered that. "You don't want to use your real name anymore?" He wasn't sure if it was hurt or surprise that came out of his mouth.

Her soft look is reassured but she still shakes her head. "Katherine Beckett died that day in the loft. I told Karen, Kate and Joanna are still both me, but, it's time to leave the past in the past. Everything is new with Joanna Rogers. And I want to move forward. I have been Joanna Rogers for over two years now, and I think I'm okay with that." She pauses to search Rick's face. "Are you okay with that?"

He thinks about it before replying. "I understand. Part of me feels bad not to have my Beckett around, but in the end, I want the same thing. To let go of the past and move on to our future." She nods. "But Kate, I mean Joanna," he fumbles (that will take some getting used to for him), "what's your dad going to say?"

* * *

She finds out two days later. Rick agreed when Joanna said she needed to do this on her own. So she made the long drive up to his cabin, rehearsing and discarding all different ways of telling him, imagining and reimagining all the ways he might react.

But it all came down to three knocks on the door, and when the man on the other side opened it, she found she had only one thing to say.

"Hi, Dad."


	11. Epilogue

As Jim engulfed her in a hug and wouldn't let go, it struck Joanna that this may be the first time in her life that she was experiencing what true unconditional love was. True, what Rick provided was close to that. But he had also been willing to move on, to leave her behind and let her go if she had chosen her career over him. Her father would never make that choice, no matter what her decision was. A father's love for his daughter.

That's what would carry them through the tough conversation to follow, and the next several months as everything changed, again.

* * *

First was their third wedding. It was only a couple of weeks after they had made it back to New York. Jim called in a favor from a friend of his, a judge who would be able to preside over the ceremony. And after picking out new rings with Joanna, Rick was able to get them engraved on short notice. The engraving matched of course. In elegant writing, they spelled out "Always."

Alexis flew in to be Rick's best man, and Kevin and Jenny Ryan stood as witnesses. Jim gave his daughter away. It was a good day. It was day 1 of their forever.

There was, of course, one person conspicuously absent. Martha had not taken kindly to Kate's return. She hadn't given either of them time to explain before she told them both exactly what she thought. Rick had managed to calm her down enough to outline the reasons for why Kate did what she did, and to tell her that they were starting a new life, as Richard and Joanna Rogers, but it hadn't completely turned Martha's opinion around. They parted cordially enough, however, and Rick and Joanna only hoped that, with time, Martha would accept and be a part of their future family.

Alexis had come around a lot quicker. Despite her protectiveness toward her father, she was a romantic at heart, and seeing her dad happy had kept her mostly content with the situation.

Kevin and Javier had very different reactions. Kevin, of course, was thrilled she was alive, well, and free from the AG's Office. Javier had taken a bit longer to understand. They were on good enough terms, but Joanna was sure they would never be quite as close as they once were. She couldn't completely leave the past behind. There would always be consequences.

Lanie, was the only one she hadn't actually been able to see in those first few weeks. She'd moved to New Orleans with her husband to be closer to family, and they now had a two month old son, so travel was a bit difficult. But they'd had a couple of phone conversations, and while it would take time, Joanna knew that was one friendship she'd get to keep.

* * *

Now, 418 days after their wedding, Joanna is sitting up in the hospital bed holding their newborn daughter, Lily, close to her chest. It had taken a couple of months of trying but the pregnancy went well. And of course Rick was the doting father-to-be for the first time mother-to-be. She finds it really sweet how much effort he has put into taking care of her.

The city outside the window was not New York. They had settled on Seattle, Washington. They thought it was appropriate, what with it being the unofficial home of coffee. Not that she had gotten to drink too much of it yet. But soon.

Rick had found them a 4 bedroom, 3-bathroom house overlooking the ocean. It was gorgeous. They bought most of the furnishings from the previous owner and then hired a contractor to remodel Lily's room. It also came with a guest house which had become very popular. Jim had been out to visit enough to decide that he would start looking for a home in the area to be closer to his family, especially his new granddaughter. And Alexis and Chris had stayed there a couple of times already, as well. Rick couldn't wait to have his new daughter play with her 3-month older nephew. Alexis and Chris welcomed their new addition to the family and Rick was as ecstatic for his new grandson as he was for his new daughter. He kept telling Joanna that he was "just like Steve Martin in Father of the Bride!" eliciting a laugh from his wife.

As Joanna lie there, she listens to the conversation between her friend Karen Miller and her mother-in-law. Karen had resigned from the Attorney General's Office shortly before coming to visit Joanna. Once Joanna and Rick heard that she was unemployed they pulled some strings and got her an interview with Captain Kevin Ryan of the NYPD. He was impressed enough to offer her a job as a homicide detective in the 12th precinct. She starts the Monday after next.

Meanwhile, Martha had finally thawed as they had hoped. It's taken a few months, but every day it gets a little easier. Maybe it was Rick's persistence, or maybe all due to Lily, but whatever reason it was, things were getting better. Martha had come and stayed in the guest house a few times, and she was here now, saying she would never miss the birth of her granddaughter. In perfect Martha flare, she lit up the room the moment she got to hold Lily. Joanna had tears in her eyes as she watched the interaction between the older woman and her granddaughter.

Joanna looks up and scans the room. Her eyes fall on everyone in turn. Her husband sitting on the hospital bed next to her with his arm around her shoulder, smiling down at his newborn daughter. Alexis and Chris sitting talking to Jim. Martha and Karen carrying on a conversation. It feels like a happy ending. Sometimes fairy tales do come true, she thinks. Well, she's living proof. Because while her life has had its fill of death and pain, it's also been filled with joy and happiness. And she's come to realize that perhaps, every once in a while,

all good things… get even better.

* * *

And better.

624 days later Joanna is laying on her side in the hospital room again when her dad brings Lily in to see her. "You ready to meet your brothers, Lil?" she asks the little girl.

Her daughter nods her head with a bright smile that reminds Joanna of the Lily's father. Rick had gone to get more ice chips for Joanna and check on Martha to make sure she was alright in the waiting room. Jim is taking care of his nearly 2-year-old granddaughter.

Joanna is waiting for the doctor to come to take her back for the planned C-section they've agreed on at 37 weeks to deliver their twin boys. Due to Joanna's age and previous trauma to her body, the doctor suggested this would be the safest course of action for both the mother and her sons. After considering all the options and risks, Rick and Joanna had agreed.

Having twins was a surprise. It didn't run in the family. They knew they wanted another baby, but definitely didn't expect this. All Rick could say was, "So Simon was right after all." And Joanna would just roll her eyes and laugh. Every time.

"So dad, did you decide what you're going to do with the condo you were looking at?" Joanna asks as he picked up Lily so she wouldn't jump on her mother.

"I did. They accepted my offer this morning. Looks like I'm moving to Seattle," Jim says with an excited smile, one she returns. She never really thought he would leave his cabin, but grandchildren have that pull, she figures.

"Dad, congratulations. I'm so excited for you."

Rick came bounding in and announced his mother was fine and that Alexis had just arrived. "They'll be in to see you in a few minutes, sweetheart," Rick notifies her. "How you feeling?"

"Okay," Joanna responds. "The epidural has really taken effect. I can't feel anything." Joanna felt a twinge of concern but her doctor keeps reassuring her that everything is fine, that the boys' heartbeats were good and this would be all over in just a little bit.

Alexis made her way in with Martha and both women came and gave Joanna a hug. "Almost time to meet these boys." Martha says with grandmotherly pride.

Alexis shook herself excitedly, and Joanna almost sees her as she was when they first met, the bright eyed teenager with an enthusiasm for life and its mysteries. She's grown, matured into a mother herself, but she still retains that fire she's always had. "I can't wait. Twins! This is going to be so much fun."

"For who Alexis?" Joanna asks, but she's laughing.

Alexis shrugs but is kept from responding further by Joanna's doctor arriving and announcing that they were ready.

90 minutes later Rick is holding Jake in his left arm and Reece in his right. Kate is being attended to, but everyone is fine and healthy. A few minutes later they open the curtains. Through the glass window, Jim, holding Lily, Martha, and Alexis look on in amazement. As Rick lays Jake in Joanna's arms, no one can deny the happy picture they make.

* * *

392 days after that, Joanna stands against the railing on their back deck overlooking the ocean. It's a perfect afternoon. A light breeze, a few clouds in the sky, the perfect temperature and a cup of coffee.

All that, and a new book by her favorite author. Rick had started a new series. He had given Rook and Nicki Heat their happy ending, their daughter. And now he's writing young adult books about Rook and Heat's teenage daughter who is following in her parent's footsteps, investigating mysteries and solving crimes. Joanna knew it would be a success, and the debut novel, which she's reading now (for the second time), had gone straight to the top. How could it not? It's was based on Lily.

She hasn't talked too much to Esposito. They did make it to New York for his and Tori's wedding. But being pregnant with Lily kept the partying to a minimum. She hears they are doing fine. No children in the works, but then who knows where life will take you.

Kevin and Jenny stopped at 2 children. His oldest, Sarah Grace has started 3rd grade and Nicholas is starting 1st. Joanna is constantly amazed at how fast they grow up, especially when she looks at her own.

Kevin is still working as Captain of the 12th, and Karen had adjusted just fine to the NYPD lifestyle. Between the two of them, she is kept up to speed with what's going on. She and Rick have even been conferenced in by phone a couple of times, when her friends want a different set of eyes on a case. Knowing she isn't going back, neither she nor Rick mind the occasional consult. Too many precious gifts here to keep her grounded.

Jim had bought his condo and acclimated well to the Pacific Northwest. He loves the waterways and even the City itself. It's very different than New York, but it's a welcome change for him. He spends most of his time, though, spoiling his grandchildren. Joanna is so happy he's here to enjoy it, even if her mother can't be. And he's happy.

Martha has come full circle. She stayed in New York and continues to run her studio. But Joanna isn't sure quite how, since it seems she spends most of her time in their guest house doting over the boys.

Alexis and Chris just announced the coming of their second child. They would soon be learning the baby's gender and she figured there will be some trips to L.A. in the near future. Getting twins and another toddler on a crowded plane may be a little hair raising, but with Rick, it will all work out. Of that she has no doubt.

She has no idea where Vikram ended up. He left the NYPD shortly after she and Rick returned from Barcelona. She has never heard again from him or or anyone associated with the Attorney General's Office. They know Rick would make good on his threat if she ever did. That part of her life is long gone.

Joanna takes another sip of her coffee, and mutters, "Good riddance."

After finishing another chapter, Joanna bookmarks her page and gets up. She quietly strolls into the house and up to her sons' room. They are both sound asleep. She used to tell Rick, "Staring's creepy," but now she finds herself doing it all the time. Maybe her boys will tell her the same thing when they are older, but for now it's soothing, it's warm and secure, and it fills her with indescribable joy. Nope, staring isn't all that bad now.

She heads to Rick's office to find him hammering away on his keyboard. He has told her the second book is coming along pretty quickly. She hasn't seen this kind of excitement from him since he started following her for the first Nicki Heat book so many years ago.

Lily is on his knee and Rick is lightly bouncing her in rhythm with his key strokes. Joanna pauses at the doorway and just watches the two of them. Yes, staring again. Only Rick finally notices, and he looks up at her with a smile.

Joanna smiles back and says, "Every writer needs his inspiration."

"And I found mine," Rick responds. He looks down at his daughter who is still staring at the screen in front of them, then back up at his beautiful wife. "Always."

She glanced back over her shoulder to the room that her adorable boys are sleeping in, as if she can look on them from where she stands, then turns back to Rick and Lily. "Always."

* * *

 **Thank you all so much for reading, and for your reviews, favorites, and follows. All that despite my lack of frequent updates. But you made it worth writing and finishing this. Thank you again!**


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